


Existence is a Play on Words

by cynicaltea



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Ableism, Anxiety Attacks, Anxiety Disorder, Autistic Character, Depression, Heavy Angst with Humour, I'm Bad At Tagging, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Multi, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Harm, Suicidal Thoughts, The Cold Never Bothered Me Anyway, also everyone is a lot more tolerant, amethyst is good at interpreting feelings, dark themes, it gets better around the end of chapter 6 yeah, might be triggering for some, not as bad as it sounds, other-peridot is an open book that's hard to read, peridot is cynical af, please don't read if you can't, that last tag was unnecessary and irrelevant, the first few chapters are eh
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-12-30
Updated: 2017-04-08
Packaged: 2018-05-10 09:03:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 27,731
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5579503
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cynicaltea/pseuds/cynicaltea
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Pearl knew she shouldn't have opened the door. Maybe she was seeing double, or the sickeningly sweet smell of the liquid she used to wash the dishes with was finally getting to her. Who knows what they put in that stuff? Either way, she had only gone out to get some ice. That didn't change that there were two peridots. She really couldn't leave for one minute, could she.</p><p>[AU]<br/>(Comedy, Drama, Adventure, Romance)<br/>[Lapidot, Pearlidottish, hints of Stevonnie]<br/>Plenty of feels with lots of humour so it's all good. </p><p>Please comment, it helps a lot xx</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Beethoven's Fate Symphony, No. 5 in C Minor

Pearl hummed Beethoven’s Fate Symphony, No. 5 in C Minor, reaching up to dust a shelf.

"Hey. Hey P...P. Hey P. Pearl. Pearl. Pierogi. Pearl." Amethyst, had at some point came up behind her.

"Amethyst,” Pearl sighed. "Is there something you needed?"

The gem in question looked around, making a thoughtful noise. "Nah. I just noticed you were spring cleaning again even though it’s winter, and thought that I should stop you before you destroy our home with neatness."

"On the contrary, Amethyst. Neatness is _beneficial_ to our home," Pearl ‘tsk’d. "Isn’t it nice to be able to find everything without having to go root through piles and piles of unidentifiable objects- which, on top of sounding unfavourable, is also very tiring, I speak from experience," Pearl paused, giving Amethyst a pointed look. "And speaking of my experience, you should probably clean your room."

"Whatever you’re doing is probably tiring-er." Amethyst said, shrugging casually. "And I can find everything without having to do that. I just don’t look."

"More tiring." Pearl corrected, sighing and turning back to the shelf.

"How many times are you gonna dust the freaking shelf? It looks clean enou-" Amethyst began.

There was obnoxiously loud knocking, cutting Amethyst off.

"I’ll get the door." Pearl said, giving an inaudible sigh of relief that the other gem didn’t get a chance to finish her crack about the shelf. Pearl put down her treasured and dependable feather duster, walking over to the door with light and graceful- yet assured- footsteps.

Amethyst followed her anyways, curious to see who would come all the way out here and knock and hoping it was Mayor Dewey because she wanted to watch Pearl shut him down.

Pearl opened the door, staring at Peridot. "Ha ha!" she laughed triumphantly. "So… you show up on our _doorstep_. How-"

"Can it, you clod,” Peridot interrupted, shivering- it was in the minuses outside- and taking a deep breath. "Before I take back what I’m about to say," Peridot hesitated before continuing, her eyes narrowed. "I’ve come to assist you." This decision had taken careful consideration and she was almost positive that she was going to regret it, but it was too late to take it back, the words had already been spoken.

"I’m not falling for your _tricks_ , Peridot! It’s all over now-"

"Pearl,” Amethyst said, summoning her weapon. "Tone the nerd down and crank the not-taking-any-crap _up_."

"Wait," Peridot said, warily eying Amethyst’s whip. She took a small step backwards, or as small as a step she could take with her large metal feet. "When it’s noticed that we- my informant, my escort, and I- haven’t returned, you know they’ll come looking for me," Peridot reminded them. "And when they find you, it’s all over! You know that! No more earth, no more _you_! They’ll kill the war machine, they’ll kill the runt," Amethyst narrowed her eyes. "They’ll kill you," Peridot glared at Amethyst and Pearl. "And they’ll kill the Steven." Peridot concluded.

"Oh yeah?!" Amethyst growled. "We-"

"Amethyst," Pearl interrupted. "She.. I hate to admit it, but she has a point. In the occasion that Homeworld _does_ send gems to come for those three..," Pearl shook her head. "From what we’ve seen so far…" Pearl glared intensely at Peridot. "Don’t try anything, you little green punk."

That’s not actually what she said, but it was heavily implied and so she might as well just have said it outright.

Peridot scowled. "I have no reason to deceive or attack you at this point in time," she spat. "Believe me when I say I wouldn’t be here without good reason. And that good reason is _all of our deaths_."

"Yeah," Amethyst nodded after a moment. "Sound like a decent reason."

"YEAH! Because _nobody_ wants to die, you Crystal Clods, and even though you all seem to have no intelligence you should be able to understand that _at least_ , and even though I was going to kick your door down, I _knocked_ because you know what, I’m civil-" the green gem stopped mid-sentence, wariness in her sharp gaze. "Where are the other ones?"

"I suppose I’ll have to put my cleaning aside," Pearl lamented randomly, disregarding Peridot's question and turning to Amethyst. "I-"

Garnet exited the temple, turning to Peridot. "Don’t push it." she warned, continuing and walking out. She had something to attend to and she could put off having a serious conversation with Peridot for later, Pearl and Amethyst could handle her.

"Garnet- wait-!" Pearl called, before sighing.

Amethyst laughed. "Shut down by the G-Squad for like, the _millionth_ time presentinggggggg… Peaarrllll! With a stunning-"

"Amethyst!" Pearl interrupted, rolling her eyes.

"I was going to say ass." Amethyst smirked.

"WELL!" Peridot interrupted. "That’s my cue to _leave_."

"You can’t leave, sit down," Pearl said, shaking her head. "Amethyst, I don’t even _know_ what I’m supposed to say to you right now." Pearl didn’t really say that last bit out loud. But she might as well have.

Amethyst tilted her head back a little and cackled. "Womp womp, Pearl. Womp womp."

"What is that even supposed to _mean_?" Pearl asked incredulously, flushing a furious teal.

Peridot’s eye twitched. "I’m this close to leaving you, taking it all back, and letting all of us on die on this miserable planet. This isn’t worth it."

"For a couple of nerds, you two are _pretty lewd_ ," Amethyst teased, laughing some more. "I just said ‘womp womp’, not I’m gonna fuck the preside-"

"AMETHYST!" Pearl interrupted loudly, her flush deepening. " _Please_!"

Amethyst laughed some more. "You guys are a _riot_!" She slapped Peridot on the back a couple of times, earning a few indignant splutters from the techie. “I’m gonna love having you around." she announced, walking away.

"Should I be scared?" Peridot asked, her tone flat. "I mean, other than the fact that I’m sitting in the middle of enemy headquarters and you’re not letting me leave," she said, sarcasm heavily laced into her tone. "Should I be scared?"

"Probably, yes," Pearl nodded, before looking at the green gem. "You know..," she took a deep breath. "I get it. I do.. coming to this planet and feeling so.. I mean to everything here you really _are_ an alien, and-"

"Please do not try to sympathize with me. We are not similar. You do not ‘get it’. I have no actual interest in having a conversation with you," Peridot sniffed, looking away. "Don’t confuse my intentions."

Pearl sighed. "You’re only making this more difficult for _you_. And you came to _us_ , not vice versa, you know."

"Nobody else would _have_ to come to this cruddy planet if you hadn’t stranded me here," the Homeworld gem sneered. " _You_ made this more difficult for not only me, but yourselves, too. Way to protect the planet."

Pearl rolled her eyes and returned to dusting and humming Beethoven’s Fate Symphony, No. 5 in C Minor, not going to let Peridot’s disgruntled attitude interrupt her cleaning and generally cheerful mood.

"Are you seriously not going to let me leave?" Peridot raised an eyebrow.

"Do you have anywhere else to stay?" Pearl responded.

Peridot opened her mouth to give a sharp retort before scowling and falling silent.

"That’s what I thought." Pearl turned her focus back to her dusting.

Peridot watched her with a lazy expression, not looking forward to the rest of her life at present.

After 2 hours, Pearl had the house sparkling. She took a few steps backwards to properly survey her handiwork, a proud smile passing over her features. The pale gem looked over at Peridot. She had fallen asleep.

Pearl couldn’t help but wonder if cleaning really was all that boring.


	2. Not a Goddamned Criminal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> peridot realizes she might actually have to be amiable with these people

Peridot looked up at Garnet, who had been waiting for her to wake up.. apparently. It was all a little creepy, and so Peridot sat there, trying not to look as intimidated as she felt, wondering why the fuck she even came here. It had seemed a decent idea at the time, but so did everything she did, and it wasn't really a big surprise that she had regrets.

"So you had better speak up now if that’s the case." Garnet finished.

Peridot stared at her for a few moments, trying to find words. She could faintly catch her reflection in the tint of the tall fusion’s eyewear. "I'm not going to betray you, you filthy war machine." the green gem crabbed, scowling.

Garnet did not move, the glint against her shades somehow managing to get across a friendly 'You little shit, I could kill you by accident'.

"Listen, I-" Peridot said finally. "You don't have to worry about me trying to stab you when you're not looking or something. I'm not a goddamned criminal and.. I did try to kill you. That's a fact. I won't deny it."

Garnet was giving off a distinct aura of 'unimpressed'.

"I was just trying to do my job. I'm respectable. I've worked hard to get to my position. It would be sad to fail a mission _now_. There are lots of gems who'd scramble to get into my place, and I'd probably never get the chance again," Peridot had no idea why she was disclosing this information. Perhaps she was subconsciously attempting to garner sympathy. Mostly, she just wanted to be alone. This fusion's presence was directly interfering with her silent pity party. "So I did what I had to." There was no point in having this conversation, so Peridot did not continue further. She'd already said more than she really wanted to.

Garnet was silent before walking away.

Peridot contemplated saying 'thank you' out loud but decided against it. She enjoyed her face, sans bruises and injuries. And the fusion had already told her not to push it. Peridot was pretty sure she was pushing it.

Peridot sat there, silently taking a deep breath in, the faint taste of bitter irony present on her tongue. She didn't fail to realize that this was stupid. She also didn't fail to realize that the pearl had not been completely incorrect in stating that she was only making this more difficult for herself. But that was fine, as is everything, because Peridot was probably a bit of an emotional masochist, though it wasn't as if anybody had asked. Self-destruction was something she was good at.

 _Now, where was I.._ Peridot thought idly. _Oh yes, drowning myself in self-pity. Let's get back to that, shall we_?

A few hours passed before the Steven entered their headquarters, his eyes bright with excitement. "Hi, Peridot!" he chirped. "Pearl and Amethyst told me you were here! I’m gonna show you all around Beach City, and- and-"

Peridot fixed her disinterested gaze on him, trying to telepathically communicate that she wanted him gone. His aura of cheeriness didn't waver, and Peridot reluctantly sighed, giving in to his wide smile. "Hello," she said, her tone begrudging. "Feel free to drag me all around this human civilization."

Steven's smile faltered a little. "It'll be fun." he insisted.

Peridot felt guilt faintly stir within her. "I suppose I would enjoy learning more about this planet." she tacked onto her original statement without really meaning to.

The Steven’s features lit up at this. "Oh- oh!" he cried excitedly. "I can take you to the Big Donut and you can meet my friends Lars and Sadie- I think you'll like Lars, he's a lot like you, and I can take you to the arcade too! Have you ever played a video game?"

"What is.. video game?" Peridot asked after a moment, deciding to put some sort of effort into sounding mildly interested.

Steven gasped. "You've never played a video game before? Man, I gotta show you!" Steven reached out to take Peridot’s hand before awkwardly taking his hand back.

Peridot didn’t want to engage in physical contact with the Steven anyways, so she was glad for the slip-up. She stood up. "Where is.. the arcade and the 'Big Donut'?"

Steven beamed. "C’mon, this way!" he urged. "I’ll show you."

And that’s the precise moment that I led myself to near death." Peridot told the other gems, who listened with intrigued faces.

Not really, but Peridot could imagine this conversation happening at some point in her near future.

"We can go to the Big Donut first," Steven said after a moment of thought. "It’s better to play video games with a full stomach!"

"A 'full stomach'?" Peridot repeated, raising an eyebrow, her gaze suspicious. "Excuse me? I-"

"Trust me, donuts are the best thing you'll have ever tasted," Steven claimed. "You'll love them!"

" _Tasted_?” Peridot repeated. "No… nononono. I'm not… _tasting_ … anythin-"

"I promise you'll love them!" Steven exclaimed, and his utter confidence in proclaiming this was hard to argue against.

"Yes..," Peridot muttered. "Sure. Okay."

As long as the Steven didn’t try to trick her into eating a bomb.

"Hi, Lars! Hi, Sadie!" Steven exclaimed cheerfully, and Peridot recognized the designations of the two humans he had mentioned earlier.

"Oh, hi, Steven!" one said in a cheerful tone. She was shorter than the other one, her hair something Peridot dimly identified as blonde.

She lingered out of the humans' general vision, and Steven turned around to see she wasn't there. "Hi, Sadie!" he said back, before adding a "Peridot, come on out! I promise they're nice!"

The other one- Lars, Peridot presumed- looked up, giving a noncommittal grunt.

"Oh, hi,” Sadie waved, smiling. "I'm Sadie, it's nice to meet you! It's Peridot, right? Are you one of Stevens friends?"

"I know," Peridot said. "It is. And I'm not."

"Steven," Lars said, scowling slightly. "Why did you have to bring your weird green alien friend in here?"

"Don't be a jerk, Lars." Sadie chastised.

Now this. This was a creature Peridot could understand. Not the Sadie. But the Lars. Finally, a _logical_ response to a situation.

"For donuts," Peridot shot back. "Clearly. What do you _think_ he brought me here for? An execution?" That didn't seem like that far of a stretch, at this point.

Lars stared at Peridot, muted respect in his eyes, and looked away.

Steven beamed. "You guys are all such good friends already!"

Sadie awkwardly looked away.

Lars stared at Steven with an unamused expression.

"No." Peridot said immediately.

Steven gave a sigh of disappointment before holding up 2 fingers. "Two donuts please," he said with a smile, sliding some money over the counter. "Whichever flavour you think is the bestest!"

"Best," Peridot corrected. "Whichever flavour you think is the _best_. Bestest isn't even a _word_."

Lars rolled his eyes.

Sadie blinked slowly before taking two of her favourite flavour of donut, putting them into separate bags, and handing them to Steven.

"Thanks!" Steven chirped, handing a bag to Peridot.

Peridot briefly analyzed the nutriment, not needing to fully scan it to grasp that this was practically sugar, fried, glazed with sugar, and covered in sugar, with little pieces of sugar sprinkled over top. Peridot grimaced, glancing at Steven, who was happily beginning to consume his own. If he ate this on a regular basis, how was he not dead yet?

Peridot took a bite anyways.

It was the best thing she’d ever tasted in her entire life.

So she consumed it completely, swallowing her words and hating every single delicious mouthful.

"Didja like it?" Steven asked hopefully.

"Yes." Peridot admitted. There was no sense in lying.

Steven beamed.

Peridot wondered if that had actually been a bomb, because there was no real reason for him to be smiling like that. The green gem also wondered when she had stopped referring to him as 'the Steven' in her head. She did that out of spite and not because she was that stupid. Oh well, no sense in doing that anymore, she'd already dropped it a little and she'd just feel dumb trying to keep up with it at this point. She turned her head to see the humans watching her.

"What are _you_ looking at?" she demanded.

"You." Lars said.

Peridot made a small noise of compressed frustration. "Steven," she said finally. "You were going to show me the arcade."

"Oh yeah!" Steven’s eyes sparkled. "I was! C'mon, we gotta go right away! I bet you'll love it, Peridot.”

"Hit me up sometime," Lars taunted, sneering as she and Steven left.

"I'd be glad to!" Peridot shot back, thinking he meant actual hitting.

After a few minutes of walking, they approached the arcade. Peridot stared at the building, panic fluttering in her chest. She could be walking into an ambush. She could walk in there and never walk out again. She had to remember that Steven was still _the enemy_. He was still with them. Them being the Crystal Arseholes- oh, um, Gems. Crystal Gems.

"Peridot?" Steven called, beaming. "C'mon, there's a game that I _reallllly_ want you to see!"

Peridot managed to swallow her panic, her expression neutral and her gaze icy as she entered the arcade, only to see that it was filled with archaic technology, though Peridot wasn’t sure what she had been expecting, anyways. It's not like she was home.

…

Home.

"-ke this game!" Steven was saying excitedly, and Peridot snapped to attention.

"Doubtful." she said, her tone dripping with sarcasm, but she walked over to the machine anyways. She surveyed it, quickly figuring out how it operated. Steven reached over and put a round, shiny, metal object into a slot, and the machine slowly flickered to life. Peridot stared at the screen for a moment before slowly selecting [PLAY], as if she wanted to play this miserable human game, as if she wanted to be on this miserable planet, as if doing this was somehow going to mean something and somehow going to make everything fine and fix her ship and locate her missing escort and informant and send them on their way back to Homeworld where she would slip back into a familiar routine- the one she could depend on to never change- just like she liked it, the way she wanted it to be.

The green gem continued mechanically moving the controls, her mind elsewhere.

Yeah, sure, she'd [PLAY], because this was obviously just a game, like everything was just a game.

Steven widened his eyes as Peridot continued as the levels got increasingly difficult, before creasing his brow in worry and wondering if this was going to be like The Meat Beat Mania incident and starting to have regrets.

Peridot got swarmed with a lot of pixelated opponents, quickly moving the controls, her eyes narrowing in determination, her lips turning upwards in a cruel grin. "Die!" she yelled. "Die die die die die die die! DIEDIEDIEDIEDIE!"

Steven giggled a little, dragging a stool over and kneeling on it so he could watch the game better.

"NNNNNHNHNHNHNHN!" she cackled. "AHHHHHHHAHHAHAHAHAHA! BOMBS! HOW DO YOU LIKE MY _BOMBS_?!"

Steven watched her use all of her power-ups, wondering if that had been a wise decision. He figured that she knew what she was doing, mostly because he didn’t even know that there was a level 108.

Peridot continued, making frequent grunts and noises of frustration, and occasionally exploding with an outburst of 'clod'. Her fingers never moved from the controls, her eyes sharp and focused from behind her visor.

Steven gaped as she reached the ending. "There’s a level 5000?" he whispered. "And an _end_? It _ends_?"

Sour Cream, who had recently entered the arcade and stood watching Peridot play for the past 5 minutes nodded. "Impressive, man," he said. "I can rave to that."

"Really?" Steven turned his wonderstruck gaze to Sour Cream.

"I can rave to a lot of things." Sour Cream said impassively.

"I won," Peridot grinned. "I am triumphant! I-" The machine fed out hundreds of tickets, you know, those little ones you can rip and then buy creepy stuffed animals with, and all the good prizes are so ridiculously priced and nobody would ever have enough tickets for them? Yeah. Those are the ones. "What is this? What is it doing?" Peridot asked warily.

"So… many… tickets!" Steven said, his tone reverent. "Peridot… do you know… how much power you have?"

"So much power." Sour Cream agreed. The teen walked over to a different machine, popping a similar round metal object into the slot and proceeding to play it.

"Power?" Peridot whispered, a small grin settling on her face. "What kind of power? Can I make executive decisions? Am I now ruler of this planet?"

Steven laughed. "No, it just means you can get _whatever you want_! You can redeem a totally awesome prize- c’mon!"

"A prize? W..whatever I want?" Peridot’s eyes sparkled with interest, the spark of annoyance she had felt at the fact that he was laughing at her expense fading. A spaceship, maybe, so she could finally get off of this planet, or an increase in rank, though she was unsure of this planet's hierarchy or maybe even.. a bunch of old greasy.. _things_. Peridot’s expression changed from hopeful to disappointed as she stared at the less than impressive prizes. And people wonder why she has trust issues.

"Peridot!" Steven gasped. "Y.. you have enough to get the iPhone!" he whispered. "I’ve been trying to get enough tickets for it for.. months! Oh, but," his expression saddened slightly. "Garnet and Pearl and Amethyst... they probably wouldn’t let you keep it."

That was all the prompting Peridot needed to trade in her tickets for this small machine. Call her an ass for making decisions just to feel some sort of pathetic gratification but... well, really, there was no follow up to that. Small bits of excitement stirred in the techie’s chest, blossoming into something nearing happiness- but not quite- as she realized she had just gotten possession of some form of technology. And maybe this planet wasn’t _completely_ warped and messed up. She had something of her own that wasn’t in the realm of absurdity and utter unfamiliarity. Though this would probably prove to be some sort of sick joke, and the fusion would probably just look at her with those shades on and take it from her.

Peridot’s expression steeled. She wouldn’t let the Crystal Gems take this from her. They took her stuff. They took her ship. They took her dignity. But they couldn’t have this. When you lose everything, it becomes piteously important to hold on to the little strands of whatever you can grasp.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i should rename this "peridot's cynicism"


	3. They Don't Follow the Norm

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy New Year, everyone! Hopefully we'll all have a great 2016 xx  
> this is a really short chapter that i wanted to get out-   
> peridot does some self relationship before i DROP AN ANGST BOMB  
> haha kidding but peridot learns things *slow clapping*

Peridot’s a little amazed that they let her keep it. Not without the unspoken rule of ‘Don’t do anything bad with it or else’, of course. But they did. She’s taken to recording her voice. The familiar action of creating a voice log is more soothing than she’d like to admit. She likes to complain about the Crystal Arseholes. It’s a lot better than yelling at one of them by accident at some point. 

...

It’s a few weeks later now, and Peridot has a grand total of 23 voice logs on her device at present. She collects knowledge of this planet when she can. And she occasionally reads texts from Steven- mostly cringeworthy jokes, but still, she remembers to send him a laughing emoji each time. Even though she never laughs.

She doesn’t get the point, but he seems to appreciate it.

The amethyst- no,  _ Amethyst _ \- has finally stopped glaring at her at every time she finds the opportunity. The fusion.. or Garnet, she supposes, has finally stopped monitoring Peridot constantly, which is good, because it was really starting to annoy her. She's a qualified technician for Diamonds' sake, not some sort of lower lifeform that requires constant supervision. She and the p- she and Pearl engage in intellectual banter- friendly arguments, if you will- and it surprises her, because she has never thought that a Pearl would be capable of such intelligence. And yet the proof is here in front of her. She’s surpassed her intended purpose. 

Peridot is finally starting to fit in. It scares her, because that had never been her intent. 

Sometimes she participates in their.. well, she supposes it’s something akin to team meetings, except they don’t discuss anything remotely business-related. They’ll all crowd around the television- an archaic device that operates using satellite signals- and they’ll put a DeeVeeDee into a machine that reads the discs. And they’ll just interact. It’s nothing like Peridot has  _ ever _ seen before. It’s unusual. It makes no sense. 

But these Crystal Gems don’t seem to enjoy sticking to the norm very much.

Peridot adjusted her visor, gazing out into the distance. It seemed to be contagious.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> what the fcuk is a deeveedee


	4. This Has To Be Illegal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peridot meets Malachite, and consequentially, Lapis Lazuli.

Peridot had been trying to beat her previous Subway Surfers high score when it happened. She turned to look at the monster emerging from the furious-looking ocean, waves crashing onto shore, white froth hungrily lapping at the sand. The sky had darkened, thundering ferociously.

“Malachite.” Pearl breathed.

Garnet was silent, and Amethyst summoned her weapon, holding on to it tightly.

Peridot knew that to mean the others and not her, and she was honestly fine with that, this- Peridot was assuming it to be a corrupted gem- was angrier, furious,  _enraged_ , no, this was not the restlessness and terrified fury of a corrupted gem- this one wanted something. Peridot could dimly recognize the gem on it’s face, the familiar shape and cut, but it wasn’t _Jasper_ , it couldn’t be Jasper. Jasper wasn’t blue-green, and Jasper had legs and feet- and Jasper was- The creature turned around.

Peridot sucked in a breath at the teardrop shaped gem on its' back.  _Their_. Their back.

 _This planet makes everyone insane_ , Peridot thought morosely.  _This has to be illegal_.

"Lapis!" Steven cried, looking as if he wanted to run out towards the monster. He took a few steps.

"Steven, no!" Pearl said. "We have to.. Malachite is.. unstable and powerful. We can't just approach them."

Pearl wasn't stupid, as the green techie had come to learn.

"We can sacrifice P-dot to 'em." Amethyst said. 

Peridot sincerely hoped she was joking, 

"Amethyst!" Pearl squawked. "We're not sacrificing  _anyone_! We-"

Malachite split apart, two gems flying apart and landing on the sand.

Peridot looked up from her phone screen and then down, the Crystal Gems were smart enough to know not to let her have any interactions with Jasper, whom they probably figured would plot with her to get off of this planet and have their traitorous asses reported. 

"We don't even have to." Pearl murmured. "We should-"

Garnet went out and bubbled Jasper, coming inside, holding the teardrop-shaped Lapis Lazuli in her hands. She bent down a little and handed her to Steven.

Steven gazed down at the gem with worry, immediately getting a small cushion and placing her on it.

"Garnet, don't you think we should bubble her too?" Pearl began. "I- we don't know what she  _wants_ , or what she's going to  _do_ , or- or- she might try to attack us, you know, and-"

"She did that for Steven," Garnet reminded Pearl. "That's something we share in common. She needs help, Pearl. We took in Peridot."

"She's  _dangerous_! Peridot _isn't_!" Pearl hissed.

Peridot couldn't help but feel mildly offended. 

"What if she decides to attack us again, then what?! She could ambush us right from our own home! And-" Pearl continued.

"She won't!" Steven cried. "I just  _know_ she won't! I- I," Steven let out a small breath. "Lapis just wanted to protect me, and she needs friends and people to tell her it's okay and that she doesn't have to be anyone's prisoner anymore. All.. all she wants is somewhere to belong again. And to be free."

"Steven," Pearl sighed. "I know you really care about Lapis, but we can't just.. Look, Steven, she already attacked us once before, Steven, and she kept Jasper trapped in the bottom of the ocean for a  _year_. You've seen Jasper, and you know how strong you'd have to be to do something like that. She trusts you, Steven, but she doesn't trust us. And she might get you and the rest of us all tangled together in her head. She wants people to understand how she felt by imprisoning them, you saw how she reacted when you didn't want to go back to Homeworld. You need to understand that she's angry, scared, lost, and powerful. That makes her very dangerous and unpredictable."

 "Pearl," Steven said, his tone pleading. "Please, I need you to trust me about this! I know she won't hurt anybody. I  _promise_ she won't hurt anybody!" 

Pearl looked around a little, a frown on her face. "I don't like this-"

"Come on, don't you trust him, Pearl?" Amethyst scowled. "You know, just because Steven's small doesn't mean he doesn't know what he's doing. He almost tamed Centipeedle, he kinda subdued P-dot a little, and Lapis already trusts him. This is something that he can do."

Pearl gave a sigh. "Alright. But if she tries to hurt anyone.."

Steven nodded. "Then we bubble her. I know."

Pearl opened her temple door and disappeared inside her room. Peridot was fascinated by the mechanics of it and would like to figure out how it operated, but she was fairly certain that poking around the temple door was on the list of things she wasn't allowed to do.

Garnet patted Steven on the head a little, walking away.

"Hey, Ste-man," Amethyst said in an assuring tone. "I believe in you. I know you can do this."

"Thanks, Amethyst." Steven smiled.

Amethyst saluted a little and sauntered on out of the room.

"Are you really going to let Lazuli stay here?" Peridot asked warily. 

"Yeah," Steven said wistfully. "She's my beach summer fun buddy, and beach summer fun buddies stick together."

"Beach summer fun buddy?" Peridot wrinkled her nose. "What is  _that_?"

"Well..." Steven said slowly, a grin forming on his face.

And then he proceeded to tell Peridot all about the fun he and Lapis had had while she was still in the mirror and they had been running around this town.

* * *

When Lapis regenerated, the first thing she felt was an anxious little nagging somewhere in her mind to find Jasper and make sure she was  _gone_. To make sure that the large gem could never hurt Steven- she couldn't- can't let her escape- she can't-

The blue gem looked around the room, trying to piece together where she was. Everything was kind of a blur. She couldn't remember where she was, or what she was doing, or how she got there. She sat and quietly rubbed her arms, felt her face, ran her fingers through her hair, marvelling in the knowledge that she was _th_ _ere_ , and that what she felt is real. She was finally free from Malachite. 

_She still needs to find Jasper._

Lapis wanted to push that thought out of her head. She wanted to make Jasper not her problem. She didn't want to be responsible for Jasper, she wanted to believe that Jasper was someone else's problem to deal with.

But Jasper was hers. Her problem to deal with.

Lapis took a small step forward, and then a few more.

Then she heard footsteps approaching her. She immediately went on the defensive, clenching her hands into fists and suspiciously shifting, her eyes darting around, her piercing gaze anxiously searching for something, someone. It's Jasper, it must be Jasper-

"Steven? Is that you?" a voice called.

Lapis felt a lump form in her throat. It's not Jasper, it's not much better, though.

Peridot came into Lapis's line of sight. The silence was stifling.

"I  _hate_ Mondays." Peridot said finally.

"It's Thursday." Lapis said, and she wasn't sure how she knew that.

"Yes," Peridot said. "It is." And then she turned and walked away, yelling "Steven! Lapis is back!"

Lapis waited for her beach summer fun buddy, a shaky wave of relief washing over her.  _Steven_. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm thinking of occasionally adding pictures, because this AU is something I've been mapping out in my head for a long time now, (7 or 8 months?) and I really want to give a few glimpses into the world I'm developing here. Hm, but that remains to be seen.
> 
> Feel free to leave a comment, I always love seeing what people think.


	5. As Long As You're Safe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "And now you want me to trust all of you when you can't even trust yourselves."

It was a very heartwarming reunion, with lots of hugs and exclamations. 

"Steven," Lapis said. "Is Jasper gone?"

"Well, we bubbled her," Steven answered. "So she can't regenerate. She's stuck in the bubble until someone takes her out or something."

"That's not enough," Lapis hissed, anxiety bubbling up inside of her again. "She'll escape. She'll find a way to get out, she'll- she'll  _hurt_ you, I-I have to keep you safe and keep her away from you, and-"

"Lapis, please," Steven said, hugging her for the eighth time in the past fifteen minutes. "Jasper can't hurt me. She can't escape the bubble, that's not how it works. And besides, even if she does, the Crystal Gems are here too to help keep me safe. It's not only you. You don't have to do it all by yourself. You don't have to be alone. I'm going to be okay, and so are you."

Lapis let herself be hugged, despite not agreeing with Steven. "Jasper is dangerous, Steven." was all she said.

"I know," Steven murmured. "But once you're okay with it, we were thinking of teaching her how stuff is on Earth. I mean, she has no way back home, and I think she might start feeling lonely."

Lapis wrinkled her nose in distaste. "She doesn't _deserve_ a second chance," she said, her tone that of one who had just tasted something simultaneously sour and spicy. The water witch changed the subject. "Why is Peridot in your house?"

"Well, she came here asking to stay with us," Steven explained. "She's nicer now than she was before, she still calls people clods and stuff and she's a little snippy but she's mostly just scared. This place isn't familiar to her. She doesn't really know what to do. She's lost and scared. She just wants to go home." 

The half-gem's words hung in the air awkwardly, threatening to suffocate them both for a moment.

Lapis narrowed her eyes. "I wouldn't trust her, Steven. She probably wants to hurt you. She's not a nice gem, and I know you trust everyone but the truth is that some gems just aren't ever going to become nicer just because you take them in and do stuff for them. She won't be grateful. The second she gets an opportunity to go back to Homeworld, she'll take it. She'll report you and your friends to Yellow Diamond, and then she'll come back, and she'll destroy this planet and everyone on it. And Jasper and Peridot will get off easy, because all Yellow Diamond wants is this planet to  _die_ , and you don't get that yet. But you will."

Steven frowned a little. "I know she might hurt us, but I believe in Peridot. And I think she deserves a chance to try again. She was scared and under orders, and she doesn't know any better. All her life she was just taught how to hate and to be worth something she has to be better than everyone else. Please, Lapis, I-I gave you a chance, let me do that for Peridot."

Lapis sighed. "It's up to you, Steven," she murmured. "I don't mind, as long as you're safe."

* * *

Everyone was tense.

Lapis stared at the Crystal Gems with an untrusting gaze. 

Pearl looked away. "Lapis, I'm so sorry," she said quietly. "I had no idea you were in that mirror. If I had  _known_ , I would've- would've let you out much sooner. I'm so sorry-"

"You knew I was in there." Lapis growled, and Pearl was about to stammer out another apology, when the pale gem noted that Lapis's hateful gaze wasn't focused on her. She was looking past Pearl, to Amethyst and Garnet, who stood, accepting it.

"Yes," Garnet said quietly. "We knew."

"You did  _nothing_ to free me!" Lapis said accusingly.

"I'm s-so sorry," Amethyst stammered, eyes wide. "But when- when Rose, and we didn't think that-"

" _What_?" Pearl asked incredulously. " _Rose_?! You two  _knew_ she was in there and- Rose- what did Rose have to do with this?" Pearl demanded, light blue eyes ablaze.

Amethyst looked down, face contorted with guilt. A few tears formed in the corners of her eyes. "I-it was a few thousand years back, and, yanno.. Lapis was dangerous. Rose told us she was dangerous. We were losing 'cause of her. She could do so much, and-"

Dim recognition flickered in Pearl's eyes. "She was.. was the one who-"

"Yeah," Amethyst mumbled. "So me and Garnet went out. And we got her. Right in the back," Amethyst swallowed, a few tears trickling down her cheeks. "We cracked her gem and it poofed. We brought it to Rose... Rose had the mirror. We knew she was- she was there. The whole time. And then.. we... we gave it to..."

"Me," Pearl whispered, filling in the blanks. "You gave her to me. You let me believe that she- that it was just a  _mirror_. That there wasn't a gem in there who could think or feel or- or-" 

"Pearl-" Garnet began.

" _Don't_!" Pearl cried. "Don't you  _dare_ say a word!"

The slim gem ran to the temple, ran to her room.

Lapis stared after her, an unreadable expression in her eyes. "She never knew."

"No." Garnet admitted.

"You lied to your own teammate," Lapis said. "And now you want me to trust all of you when you can't even trust yourselves."

Amethyst's hands clenched into fists. "We  _had_ to keep you trapped- you were- you were  _killing_ us, and we had to win the war- Pearl never would've agreed if she had known-"

"You put everyone in danger with your rebellion!" Lapis shot back. "I was doing my  _job_. I was doing what I had to to keep Homeworld safe, and you-"

"Were doing what we had to keep the  _Earth_ safe!" Amethyst retorted.

"Yes," Lapis said. "This planet. What was so different about this planet? It's not the first planet we colonized where we found sentient life. It's not the first beautiful planet that our kind has destroyed. So why were you all so willing to risk it all for  _this_ one. This planet."

"It wasn't just the Earth we were trying to protect," Garnet said. "We were trying to protect the essence of what we are," Garnet looked down. "Gems who had found individuality. We didn't want to just be what the Authority told us we had to be anymore. And I hope some day you can understand that. Why we did what we did. You don't have to forgive us. We- I.. I just want you to understand."

Amethyst nodded, wiping tears from her eyes.

"That's all anyone wants," Lapis said. "Others to understand."

She turned on her heel and walked away.

* * *

Lapis Lazuli certainly was a mystery.

Peridot had been watching her stand completely still for about an hour now. She hadn't moved, just stood. She was so odd. 

It annoyed Peridot that the strange gem appeared to be ignoring her. Steven had told her to say sorry. Peridot didn't  _want_ to say sorry. Lapis Lazuli didn't  _deserve_ a sorry. She was a traitor to Homeworld, betraying them like that by giving the Crystal Gems a  _warning_. 

Peridot found herself not particularly inclined to apologize to her. It was Lapis's fault. Her mistake. And why should Peridot apologize for doing her job?

Anyways, she found herself faced with the task of saying  _something_ when Lapis approached her with an apathetic "Peridot."

Peridot found herself incapable of speech for a moment. "Lapis." she said finally, overcoming the lump in her throat.

"Stay away from Steven." Lapis said, a slight challenge laced into her tone.

"You can't tell me what to do," Peridot hissed, baring her teeth slightly. "I am Steven's ally." 

The air crackled with a faint tension, muscles tense, both gems ready to spring. Blue fingers loosely clenched into fists, blue eyes tinted lime green behind a translucent viridescent visor narrowed, always analyzing, forever analyzing.

"I'm Steven's  _beach summer fun buddy_." Lapis retorted.

Peridot found herself giving an indignant "So?"

Lapis turned and walked away.

Peridot scowled and leaned back.

 _Help,_ she thought.

As soon as she thought it, it was gone.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> h e l p


	6. Like Some Common Old Quartz

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> peridot does not know who she is anymore

"Lazuli," Peridot gritted her teeth. "Nobody ever said you had to like me. I know you don't hold me in particularly high regard. And that is fine. You have no reason to-"

"I'm glad you realize that." Lapis interrupted.

"I'm just saying you should at least make an attempt to tolerate my general presence," Peridot continued, narrowing her eyes ever so slightly. "I don't even want to make your _acquaintance_. I just expect you to hold at least some form of basic respect for me. That's all. I know you're the _high and mighty_ Lapis Lazuli, and you don't believe you have to-"

"Okay, Peridot," Lapis said simply. "I'll respect you." she turned and was about to walk away.

"See, _that_ is not- not respecting me!" Peridot hissed. "You cannot just walk away from anyone without at least giving some- some form of expression used at parting!"

"Bye, Peridot," Lapis said. She sounded amused and Peridot detested her for it. "Is that what you wanted? Me to say bye?"

"Ye-" Peridot began.

"Do you like hearing me talk, Peridot?" Lapis continued, looking at the green gem from over her shoulder. "Do you like the sound of my voice?"

"What are you talking about?" Peridot spat. "I'm just calmly requesting you be _polite_ , it has nothing to do with the auditory quality of your _voice_."

Lapis walked away.

Peridot could scream if she wanted to, Diamonds know she was frustrated enough.

... she had never used that expression before. That was _ancient_. Gems said 'oh my stars' or 'stars know' these days.

 _This planet is getting to me_ , she thought to herself miserably, sitting down and eventually falling asleep.

* * *

She woke up crying and she couldn't remember what for. But she couldn't desist, the silent sobs wracked her body and shook her to her core.

Of course it would be Lazuli who found her. The universe seemed to detest her like that. Oh, don't worry, Peridot, it can't get any worse, Peridot. But oh wait, it does.

Lapis sat down and listened to Peridot sob.

Eventually Peridot got tired of her bullshit. "What do you want, Lazuli?" she snapped, her tone too bitter and her voice too shaky for anyone to take her seriously. But Peridot still made an attempt, and besides, Lapis Lazuli couldn't do anything to her anymore.

Lapis let out a breath. "I miss it too," she said. "Home."

Peridot scowled. "I never said anything to you about missing _anything_."

"I didn't say you did," Lapis said. "I just said I miss home too. You don't have to bite my head off, Peridot."

"Stop saying my name. Saying my name doesn't make your point any more valid."

Lapis sneered. "Why, does it turn you on when I say your name?"

"What?" Peridot asked incredulously, immediately scowling fiercely. "Leave me alone, Lazuli."

Lapis got up and left, calling Peridot a dick.

"You're the dick." Peridot responded instinctively.

Peridot sat there, not receiving a response, and after a moment or two, she cried some more.

* * *

"Peridot, tell Lapis about the donuts!" Steven encouraged.

Peridot yawned, really not interested in having a conversation with Lapis Lazuli, let alone telling her about a delicious human delicacy composed of unbelievable amounts of sugar. She managed to convince herself the blue gem didn't deserve the delicious taste. The sweet flavour. The way the frosting melted on one's tongue. The amazing sensation of licking sticky glaze off of your fingers. 

Lapis sniffed. "That's okay, Steven, she doesn't have to tell me about  _anything_. You can tell me about it. What's a donut? What's it like?"

Steven frowned a little. "Lapis, I know you're my beach summer fun buddy but Peridot is your Homeworld buddy, and Homeworld buddies gotta stick together?"

Peridot stiffened slightly. "No, Steven. We're not...  _Homeworld buddies_ ," she made air quotations. "We're not even from the same era. Lazuli is..."

"18,000 years old," Lapis said coolly. "Millenia older than you, and not interested in having a conversation either, let alone being Homeworld buddies."

"Well that's  _one thing_ we agree on." Peridot said, her tone oozing with hostility. She narrowed her eyes at Lapis, and the two held their gazes for a few moments, remaining still. 

After a few more tense silences, Peridot had to tear her eyes away from Lapis's stormy gaze. She held so much power in her tiny frame. Peridot found it mildly unbelievable that she could be that powerful in the first place- skinny limbs and only slightly curvaceous frame, (though Peridot wasn't one to talk, she was all back and no front and she knew it). 

"Get a move on, floaty fingers." Lapis snapped.

"You are _terribly_ immature." Peridot sneered, following Steven to the Big Donut.

"Steven," Lars said immediately. "Stop bringing aliens in here! I swear, I'm gonna-"

"Lars," Sadie scolded, before turning to the three with a warm smile. "Hi, I'm Sadie," she held her hand out to Lapis. It hung there for a moment or two before Sadie noted that she would not shake it, awkwardly taking her hand out. Lapis glared suspiciously at Sadie, and Sadie averted her gaze. "Hi, Peridot," she waved at the green technician again. "Hey, Steven. What can I get all of you?"

"This is Lapis's first time having donuts," Steven said excitedly. "So you can get her what you think she'll like. What about you, Peridot?"

"The one you gave me last time." Peridot said simply. She wanted to choke on the sweet flavour again, feel the sensation of choking on words that were wrong, wrong, wrong. She's always wrong.

Peridot knew she had self-deprecating tendencies, but that was a little much, even for her.

Steven nodded. "And I'll have the double bubble cocoa trouble!"

"Coming right up." Sadie smiled, taking donuts out from behind the glass with a pair of tongs. She slid them into the bag.

Peridot was reminded of the first time she had been here. The world around her vibrated with a sort of déjà vu, a trembling fragility she was afraid to break by moving or speaking, and the grating sensation of not being herself.

"-ridot? Earth to Peridot!" Steven said, waving a small paper donut in her face.

"What?" Peridot snapped, snatching the bag and fixing Steven with a glare.

Steven flinched a little and Peridot wanted to take it back. She turned away, letting out a short breath. "Steven," she said, her tone clipped. "I want to eat the donut at home."  
"Oh, okay," Steven said brightly. "You should've just said so!" 

"I did say so," Peridot retorted. "Just now."

"Oh, not like that," Steven chuckled. "It's an Earth expression! It means-"

"I don't care." Peridot interrupted.

Steven frowned slightly, and Peridot ignored the murderous look she was receiving from Lapis. Lapis could go cry her an ocean, but just because the world appeared to hate her and the technician had her suspicions, Peridot mentally informed the universe that she didn't mean that literally and she did not actually want Lapis Lazuli to cry an ocean into existence.

She had hoped to be left alone while she ate her donut, but that didn't seem to happen. So she let Lapis attempt to murder her with her eyes and Steven puzzle over why she was so silent while Peridot tried to puzzle over what was happening to her.

* * *

It got worse. M'kay. She had said _m'kay_. And to Peridot, who made a point out of meticulously enunciating her words to remind others that she was smarter than them, this was the most confusing and worst thing that had ever happened. 

Peridot didn't even like saying _okay_ , that seemed all too submissive and Peridot preferred passive aggression to meek submission by far. She tended to avoid utilizing the word, especially when conversing with others, because how were they supposed to be constantly reminded of her superior intelligence and drastically vaster knowledge if she was walking around slurring words together like some common old quartz? On top of _everything_ , this planet was also ruining everything her life revolved around.

Keeping her position.

Because if she lost her position, that was it for her. She would be shattered. There was no other peridot that would be able to immediately step up and take her place- she held some pride in the fact that in a sea of amethysts and jaspers and rubies and ambers and chrysoprases, she was the only peridot. So that meant that Yellow Diamond would go to _all_ the trouble of custom-making another one, and since there would be nobody else to do her job while she did so, that meant she would have to handle even the _data_ of the process- monitor the growth of the gem who would replace her, and then, only then, after everything, would she even be allowed the grace of dying.

Because if she failed to serve her Diamond, which was everything she lived for, well, she might as well not live at all. She could fool herself with delusions of grandeur, being the only gem in such an authoritative position as hers- personal technician to Yellow Diamond was the only job of its' kind, and it was so fun ordering around the little Chrysoprases- in the end, she was still expendable. And she would _always_ be expendable.

It was almost as if these Crystal Gems didn't remember what it was like at all- living in fear of being shattered for not doing your job right, for not knowing your place. They had been in the system once. Didn't they know how it felt to be terrified of breaking that sacred oath to always serve your Diamond? Or maybe rebelling had changed them so deeply they couldn't remember anymore. Or maybe they truly didn't care.

Peridot didn't know. She didn't know anything about this planet. She didn't even know anything about _herself_ anymore.


	7. She Takes What She Can Get

It was arguments at first, their voices rising into loud volumes, firing insults at each other like bullets from guns, open your mouth, take a breath, and pull the trigger. Then it escalated- detached metallic fingers grabbed fistfuls of dark blue hair and light blue hands commanded small orbs of water to thrust in a pale green face that trembled with fury and unrestrained emotion. Bodies slammed against walls, and in their various sections of the house they began hoarding things- strands of hair, loose strings of green thread- souvenirs of the arguing that was currently keeping them alive.

And always, _always_ , they passively sat down and pretended to be polite and agreeable for everyone else- everyone else being the Crystal Gems. Lapis and Peridot both knew well that they would not approve of their constant conflict. And over time, a strange alliance was formed. The fighting stopped, and they just huddled up and counted the strands of hair and green thread and went out and collected more things. Lapis found a sort of peace in finding things on the beach, shards of glass and seashells, and Peridot found pleasure in sorting them and resorting them, organizing them by size, and then by colour, and then doing it all over again.

They seldom spoke to each other, and on the rare occasion that they did communicate it was with looks and glances.

* * *

Steven nervously wrung his hands together, biting his lip. He didn't know what to say- how to pose this question.. "Are you guys.. happy here?"

"We're about as happy as we can get on this planet," Lapis said, blinking and looking up to meet the young half-gem's gaze. "Why do you ask, Steven?"

"I dunno, it's just," Steven exhaled, slightly relieved to hear they were happy, at least. "You don't talk as much as you used to, or even at all, really, and it's kind of hard to tell. If you guys aren't happy, I'll.. I'll kind of feel like I'm doing my job wrong, you know?"

Peridot nodded slowly. "You are doing your job wrong. We are the enemy and you're treating us kindly, which-"

"We- the Crystal Gems- we aren't _like_ that! We.. like peace, and we feel like.. everybody deserves a second chance," Steven insisted. "You know, joining the Crystal Gems _was_ like a second chance for Garnet and Pearl. Garnet got a chance to break convention and be.. be who she is, instead of not existing. Ruby and Sapphire made their choice, they took that chance, and Pearl got a chance to be more than what Homeworld told her she had to be. And so that's how we treat others. They got a second chance so we try to offer it to everybody, you k-"

"Should you really have disclosed that information to us?" Peridot asked, raising an eyebrow in a moderate amount of suspicion.

"Well, you know what they used to be from.. other gems like them on Homeworld, right?" Steven said. "I'm not telling you anything you don't already know."

Peridot considered this and then fell silent, continuing to arrange the assortment of pens Lapis had found earlier.

Lapis was also quiet, and so Steven gave a resigned sigh, his shoulders sinking slightly as he turned and walked away. _Give them time, Steven_ , Garnet had said to him earlier. _They need time_. And Steven supposed she was right after all. He would give them time, and he absently thought that maybe he would give them chocolate too. After all, they deserved it. And maybe it would convince them that the Crystal Gems weren't all bad.

* * *

Peridot had thought the fights were over, but it had started with Lapis saying that she was young, inexperienced, and an idiot, and Peridot had retorted with sharp words of her own (and just maybe she'd brought up the mirror- Steven had told her about it) and suddenly there were fighting. This was more than just grabbing at hair and pushing and sharp words, there was punching and hitting. Peridot had never known anything like it, she'd always taken care to keep out of the petty arguments between quartzes.

Lapis took off her visor and flung it to the ground, and Peridot was filled with a blind panic like she had never felt before, flailing and gasping for air desperately, filled with a sense of _not herself_.

Darkness filled her vision.

* * *

She woke up in a dark room, she could see what was going on around her, but instead of seeing it through her eyes, she was watching from behind a screen.

As soon as it was there, it was over.

* * *

Peridot returned to.. herself, really, with the abrupt sensation of Lapis shoving her visor back onto her face. The green technician adjusted it slightly, since Lazuli had placed it there crookedly. 

"Sorry." the water witch said simply, and the two sat in quiet.

"I am as well," Peridot said, after multiple long moments that stretched out like a desert. "I should not have spoken to you in such a manner. It is.. not my place."

"Not your place? You don't _have_ a place here!" Lapis exclaimed, giving a sort of melancholy laugh. "Peridot, you have to- have to understand that I'm- you're not my subordinate, and you don't have to do what I _say_ or.. are you just.. pretending to like me because you think I outrank you or something?" she demanded. "You're not- are we even _friends_? You haven't let go of that _twisted_ Homeworld philoosphy yet, have you. Sorry, sorry for thinking that maybe- maybe you had changed after all. But you're just like everyone back home these days. Kissing the ass of people they consider _above them_ ," Lapis made air quotations, practically spitting. "Let me know when people start _meaning_ something to you."

She walked away, those deep blue eyes stormy again. Her glare burned into Peridot, sending her insides churning like the sea Lapis could control. She wanted to say something- anything to make her come back. She was the only thing even remotely constant or vaguely familiar in this place. She, however, could not find the strength to swallow her pride. It just wouldn't go down, you know?

So Peridot sat, unable to think about much of anything except how not even an hour ago she was doing the same, but with Lapis. Lapis Lazuli.

(Peridot did register that the emotions she felt for the blue gem were illogical and she was trying to rid herself of them.)

* * *

It wasn't working, and Peridot felt herself forced to acknowledge a bitter truth- she was romantically attracted to Lapis Lazuli.

So she avoided her as much as possible in some sort of lame attempt to make those (dare she say it) _emotions_ go away, and anyway, avoiding Lapis didn't help her case much after their apparent falling out.

Peridot let out a breath and took another sip of tea. Pearl had introduced her to it, and it had a much gentler taste than the donuts. Peridot didn't particularly care for it, but she felt incredibly dignified sipping from the little teacup, and Pearl had seemed so proud of herself when Peridot had drank it. If the green technician was honest with herself, she didn't want to let Pearl down.

She had come to... like the Crystal Gems.

And that scared her immensely. But it was a good kind of scared, and Peridot knew she had to get out of this place- it was _ruining_ her.

Peridot sat and watched the liquid precipitation softly roll down the window she sat by. It seemed to be raining water, and she thought of Lapis Lazuli.

The sound of the rain was suddenly not as pleasing, and she took another sip of tea. It warmed her form from head to toe. "Pearl," she said after a moment. "Has this planet always rained dihydrogen monoxide?"

Pearl didn't look up from washing the dishes. "Yes." she said after a moment, pausing as if she wanted to say something else.

Peridot waited for her to go on, because she knew that the pale gem would.

"You seem troubled," Pearl said finally, turning to Peridot with a mildly concerned expression. "Do you have something on your mind?" Pearl continued to talk about how Peridot could talk to her whenever she needed, concluding with an "I understand how hard it is to adjust to this planet, and I want to make this as comfortable as possible for you."

Peridot hesitated, not wanting to give this clod the benefit of knowing she had feelings. She thought of Lapis Lazuli, and she thought of harsh parting words, she thought of visors being flung to the ground and insults being screamed while she reeled in shock. She thought of Lapis Lazuli, and how, even after all of that, she still liked her.

Peridot felt heat rise to her cheeks. "I'm fine." she said, her tone short and clipped, and she took another sip of disgusting tea. She couldn't distinguish her bitter tone from the bitter taste.

The slim gem gave her a knowing look, sitting down beside Peridot with a cup of tea. She took a sip. "Is this about Lapis Lazuli?"

"Nobody said _anything_ about Lapis Lazuli." Peridot said immediately, flushing slightly and scowling into her teacup.

"Nobody had to." Pearl said simply, taking a sip of tea. She waited, and Peridot somewhat loathed her everlasting patience.

After several minutes, Peridot let out a little "Lapis is mad at me."

After that, she hated herself for saying it, and hated herself even more for saying it like _that_. She could've articulated it better, or at the very least, used a better tone. Peridot felt the last few shreds of her dignity fall to the ground. She took another sip of tea.

"Why?" Pearl asked, her pale blue eyes thoughtful and distant.

"I have no idea," the technician muttered. "Though I believe I worded something in an incorrect way and she misinterpreted it."

"Then apologize," Pearl raised an eyebrow. "And clarify what you said. It's not to hard to correct a misunderstanding, you know.

Peridot wasn't entirely sure how to convey to Pearl that she didn't want to apologize, and she couldn't explain why she didn't want to apologize either. It was a little something deep inside that was stopping her, and Peridot managed to convince herself that it wasn't pride. A microscopic part of her was finally starting to get that she didn't have to be better than everyone else to be decent, and every other part of her was rejecting that idea.

Peridot took another sip of tea. "Perhaps I'll do that." she said instead, disregarding her internal conflict.

* * *

And that's how Peridot found herself here.

"Lapis?" Peridot cleared her throat a little to get the blue gem's attention, every single fiber of her being telling her to turn around and run far, far away. Anything but _apologize_.

Lapis turned her head. "Yes, Peridot?" her eyes were cold, and Peridot shifted under her unrelenting gaze.

"I'm sorry about my comment from earlier," Peridot began, stifling her pride. "About it.. not being my place. I did not mean to suggest that I was your subordinate, but I meant it was not my place to speak about your previous unfortunate situation, as.. if you wanted to talk to me about it, you would have initiated that conversation. I was never... _pretending_ to be your friend, Lazuli. I.. do like you, truly."

"Okay, Peridot," Lapis patted the couch beside her. "Wanna sit?"

Peridot could not believe that it had been that... simple. She sat.

There was a brief silence, and then Lapis held up a folded piece of paper. "Steven made me a card."

Peridot glanced over at it. It was poorly made, in her opinion, and the lettering was terribly messy. But she saw the sentimental value in it after a few more seconds of analyzing. She gave a slight nod. "Yes, he did."

Lapis snorted. "You're so weird." she sighed in contentment, leaning back on the couch.

Peridot blinked. "W-well so are you!" she said defensively, scowling. "And-"

"Peridot, Peridot," Lapis said. "It's- in a _good way_."

As far as Peridot was concerned, nobody could be weird in a good way, but Lapis Lazuli had said it, and she would take what she could get.


	8. Peridot Gets Hella High

Peridot was watching Lapis Lazuli be downright gorgeous.

Lapis was existing. She was allowing herself to be. The cool water rippled softly underneath her, the air faintly stirred with every flap of her wings. She inhaled the scent of the saltwater around her. It was all so beautiful, and it was all here. She hated Earth, but right then, in that moment, Earth was beautiful to her.

"Peridot!" she exclaimed suddenly, turning and then gently floating to land beside her. She looked down at Peridot, wiggling her toes a little. The soft, fine sand underneath her bare feet felt wonderful.

"Lazuli." Peridot said evenly, wondering why Lapis never wore shoes.

They were silent for a moment.

"Are the other peridots made of metal? Like, you know. The metal arms, and legs and- you know." the water gem asked idly.

"There are no other peridots," Peridot said simply. "I was created specifically for Yellow Diamond. I'm her personal technician."

The green gem announced her position with a slight amount of pride.

Lapis gave a small 'hm'. "Is that why your hair is a triangle?"

"Wha-?" Peridot began, blushing. "What's wrong with my hair?"

"What?" Lapis said, realizing what she had just said, and giving a sheepish chuckle. "Nothing's wrong with your hair, Peridot."

"My hair is not a triangle!" Peridot continued obliviously.

"Peridot."

"Sure, it's _triangular_ , but it's not a triangle."

"Peridot."

"I like my hair, thanks. Do you even know how much hair spra-"

"Peridot!" Lapis paused. "What about hair spray?"

"Nothing about hair spray! Are you even criticizing the brand of _hair spray_ I use now?"

"..no? Listen, Peridot? I didn't even mean the thing about the hair spray. Er, the triangle? What? You confused me."

"I like my hair and my hair spray!" Peridot said defensively.

Lapis rubbed her forehead a little. "You make my head hurt, I'm going back inside."

"Wait for me." Peridot grumbled, going in after her.

* * *

Lapis was being all existential again. "Do you miss Homeworld?" she asked quietly.

"No," Peridot intoned. "They left me here. They didn't come for me. I don't care about Homeworld anymore. It's clear to me that they don't care about me either. You have no idea what Homeworld has become," Peridot slightly adjusted her position on the couch. "You've been gone for so long, you hardly have any knowledge about gemkind now. It's practically not the same place you came from at this point. We've advanced so much and gotten so far."

"It doesn't matter," Lapis narrowed her eyes slightly.

"Of course not." Peridot said quickly, not wanting to anger Lapis again.

Lapis hesitated. "Peridot, I.. you know, way back when I-"

"YO, P-DOT!" Amethyst said loudly, running into the room and sitting on Peridot's other side, a mischievous grin on her face.

Peridot glanced at Amethyst. "Hello, Amethyst."

"Hey, hey, hey P-Dot," Amethyst snorted. " _Now_ can I mess up your hair?"

"Never!" Peridot hissed vehemently.

Amethyst descended into laughter, and Peridot rolled her eyes, flushing angrily. "Amethyst, I _swear_!"

"Aw man, you're a riot." Amethyst chortled, leaning back.

"Why must you _constantly_ bother me?" Peridot grumbled, leaning back again and letting Amethyst lay her head down in her lap and proceed to repeatedly poke Peridot's cheek.

The purple gem caught Lapis's slightly annoyed look and furrowed her brow.

"Are you done?" Peridot looked down at Amethyst with a frustrated expression. "You keep on poking me- _desist_.."

"Peridot," Amethyst said suddenly. "Do you have _seeing problems_?" she gasped. "Is that why you wear your visor all the time, 'cause you can't see-"

"What? N-"

Amethyst curiously lifted Peridot's visor. "Nice eyes," she teased. "Very blue."

Peridot rolled the eyes in question. "Amethyst, _please_ return my visor, it's very important that you do-"

"Why? 'Cause you can't see?" Amethyst joked, snorting.

"Amethyst," Peridot said, panic fluttering in her chest. "I want my visor! Give it back!"

"Naaaaaaah," Amethyst stuck her tongue out, grinning. "Catch me if you can." she bolted.

Peridot widened her eyes, running after Amethyst.

Lapis rolled her eyes and proceeded to watch TV up in Steven's room.

"Amethyst!" Peridot yelled, clenching and unclenching her fingers into fists. Her breaths came short and shallow, her mind reeling. "Am.. ethyst-" she was filled with that sense of not herself again, starting to falter. Who was Amethyst again? She took a small step backwards. "Amethyst!" she yelled. "I want my.. I don't want- I want- I don't-" she clutched her head. "AMETHYST!"

"You're not catching me!" the purple gem singsonged in response, sounding fairly far away.

Peridot leaned against the wall, sinking to the floor, a long string of conflicting and frankly, confusing thoughts swirling around in her head. She swallowed hard.

 _YOU'RE NOT ME_ , her thoughts screamed. _GIVE ME MY LIFE BACK! LET ME OUT! I CAN'T STOP THINk what if yellow diamond comes back i failed my missiLET ME GO! THERE IS NO MISSION! YOU'RE FAKE! YOU'RE FAKE! SHE TRICKED ME!_

The green gem began to rock back and forth, her eyes shut tight. That didn't even make any _sense_. If she was going to go insane, she wanted the process to be a logical descent into madness with all the according stages of doing so. But that was wishful thinking. Instead her thoughts were yelling at her that she wasn't herself. Which was exactly how Peridot felt, and her insides were shifting weirdly and she felt almost nauseous. But not. She was being sucked inside of herself, it was uncomfortable and Peridot wanted to scream. Her limbs and mouth were no longer in control.

She sat in a dark room. She screamed there, but nobody heard. Nobody heard.

* * *

"Uh, P-Dot?" Amethyst backpedaled a little. "Here's your visor. Have you been sitting here for like, 20 whole minutes?"

Peridot threw the visor the floor and smashed it into pieces. "Thank you," she mumbled. ".. Amethyst, right? Thanks."

Amethyst blinked slowly. "... uh.. P-Dot? Everything alright in the up here?" she tapped her head a little.

"Just Dot is fine, thanks," Dot brushed herself off a little, and then stared at her fingers for 5 minutes. "Oh." she said simply.

"LAPIS!" Amethyst called, taking a few steps backwards. "I THINK PERIDOT IS HIGH!"

"What? Dude, no," Dot widened her eyes slightly. "Listen, I promise I haven't done that in years, okay?"

"Uh, what?" Amethyst said incredulously. "You know what? Okay, okay. Okay. That's fine. This is fine.

"What about Peridot being high?" Lapis raised an eyebrow.

"She just told me to call her Dot and said that she's been high before."

"Oversharing!" Dot exclaimed, flushing a little. "Geez!"

"What?" Lapis stared. "Oh, well," she said slowly. "I'm.. uh-"

Dot was quiet for a moment. "She's fake! She was me- but not me, and you know, I-"

"I think you should sit down." Lapis said, slowly steering Dot over to the couch.

"Wait! Let me explain myself.. and her to- there's nothing to explain!" she scowled suddenly. "I don't know what you think you're do- give me my body back! I want my life! I just wa- well go have your life and don't interfere with mine- it was mine first-"

Amethyst and Lapis stared.

"She really is high." Lapis whispered.

"I'M NOT HIGH!" Peridot or quite possibly Dot yelled.

"Just let me explain!" Dot snapped. "And then you can do whatever you want. I swear on my ass," she paused. "You're so _vulgar_. But fine, I agree to your terms."

"Oh my god, she's so high." Amethyst said quietly.

"M'not high!" Dot exclaimed. She took a deep breath and then began.

* * *

_It was a long time ago. 'Bout 350,000 years ago, maybe. I was 16,000, and-_

* * *

"Dude, what the fuck?" Amethyst interrupted. "You're so fucking high, Peridot. I just wanted you to chase me and get the stupid visor, not go and smoke 500 pounds of weed and-"

"I'm _not high_! Will you let me _finish_?" Dot rolled her eyes.

"Come on, Amethyst, we should listen at the very least." Lapis elbowed Amethyst lightly.

* * *

_It was a long time ago. Maybe 350,000 years, like I said. But I'm 350,000, I think, so don't take my word for it. Anyways, I was 16,000 and running away from home._

_So anyways-_

* * *

"Why were you running away from home?" Amethyst raised an eyebrow.

"Can I finish?" Dot deadpanned.

Amethyst sighed. "Yeah, yeah, keep goin'."

* * *

_So anyways, I got to where I wanted to go. It was sort of a training camp, I guess. And anyways, I was gonna become a warrior. It was all I'd ever wanted, really, the chance to fight. 'Cause I never woulda gotten that chance unless there was some sorta big war._

_Nobody at that training camp took me seriously. They called me dumb stuff- princess, pretty girl, you know, that type o' thing. Just 'cause of where I came from. And I'd be lying to say I showed them any different. I could fight good, but on the battlefield I was dead and I knew it and everyone knew it._

_My best friend- I came with her-_

* * *

Amethyst snorted.

"What- ew!" Dot exclaimed. "Can you just-"

Lapis snickered a little.

* * *

_So I worked my ass off 'til I was good enough. I accepted that I was never gonna get any respect until I fought for real. And I got better, and better, and then I got assigned to a team.  
_

_We had a frontrunner, the distraction, and me- the stealth._

_Nepheline, Serpentine, and me._

_Nepheline- she hated me at first. She was like, at the front of the Dot hate group. Every single day, it was 'did you do your hair this morning, princess?' or 'be careful, wouldn't want to hurt yourself'._

_Then that sort of stopped, I got her respect, and I became good friends with Nepheline and Serpentine, and you know, after that I got pretty popular there at training camp. It was good._

_Uh... um... then after a while.. then.._

* * *

 

Amethyst groaned. "Then what? I don't care how high you are, this is a really interesting story of, like, reinventing yourself and self realization and shit."

Dot flushed. "ThenmeandNephelinefellinloveandstartedtodateandyouknowthatsortofthing." she said all in one breath. "Moving on-"

"What?" Lapis and Amethyst blinked.

"Slow down." Lapis added.

"Me and Nepheline we- we started to date and stuff," Dot stammered. "This isn't even the important part, guys-"

"Oooooh," Amethyst leaned forward, grinning. "I want details."

Dot looked to Lapis helplessly.

"Me too." Lapis admitted.

Dot groaned. "It was breaktime, we were just sitting around and you know, our friends had to go and, she-"

* * *

_Hey, Dot," Nepheline winked. "I got something to show you."_

_"Sure." Dot blinked a little before following Nepheline._

_"What are we doing back here, ambushing enemies or something?" Dot asked, raising an eyebrow.  
_

_They were in an open area. No one ever came back here, and no one knew why._

_"Nah. Just wanted to show you this."_

_Nepheline leaned forward and kissed Dot. Her lips were soft and gentle, and Dot leaned into the kiss. Nepheline soon pulled away, leaving Dot very confused and very breathless._

_"See you around." Nepheline said simply, walking away._

* * *

Amethyst whistled. "Damnnnnnn."

"Wow," Lapis said, a faint mischievous gleam in her eyes. "That's some story."

"It's not the point!" Dot flushed. "Can I continue?"

"Go ahead." Amethyst snickered.

* * *

_Then Serpentine died in battle.  
_

_I was sad for a while after that, I mean, she was my best friend, but you know, I had Neph and we kinda powered through it together. We missed her a lot._

_We didn't replace her on our team. We couldn't- it felt like disrespecting her, you know? And she was irreplaceable._

_And that made Nepheline question what we were doing. "Is that how they feel when we destroy them?" she asked me. "You know, we think of them as these big.. these big monsters but they have friends and family too."_

_She said maybe we should stop following orders and doing what we did. She said we were mindless pawns._

_I told her that was ridiculous._

* * *

Dot took a breath.

* * *

_About 6 months later she quit the team._

_Which was dumb, I mean, I'd have to be reassigned to a different one, but you know.. that wasn't the point._

_The point is that she quit._

_I had to execute her._

_She was in big trouble. She was seen as a traitor and so I had to execute her._

_I don't know.. I don't know what happened after that._

_But I do know my mother gave me a visor, and after that, I was gone. Locked away. For.. maybe 160,000 years? Or maybe longer, I stopped keeping track of time but the point of it is that I was gone for a while._

_And then near the end I think... you guys started took off the visor a couple times and I got more aware. I could sort of see through to what was happening, and_ her _, the one who.. the one who.. I guess.. took over while I was locked up, I started pulling her back to where I was._

_And that sounds all bad but I just wanted to be out. I wanted to be in control again, that's all, I swear. And I broke the visor, but she's not gone. So I guess I'll go away or something. I mean, you deserve your friend back._

* * *

 

"No, don't!" Lapis said quickly, her eyes wide. "You're free now. You're free and you can do whatever you want. Don't lock yourself away again, that's a mistake, that's a big mistake."

Dot was quiet for a little. "Uh, other-me is now convinced she's fake and her whole existence is fake and she's doubting even she's even real. I sort of gave her an existential life crisis just now, I'm super sorry, I'll disappear for a bit. And maybe you can tell her she's real. Because if she wasn't she'd be gone since I killed the dumb visor thing."

Lapis blinked slowly as Dot- or Peridot now, she supposed- proceeded to stare at the wall and not speak.

"P-Dot?" Amethyst said slowly.

Peridot turned to them with a wide smile. "I am a prison!"

"No way, dude. You're definitely not a prison." Amethyst said.

"You're right," Peridot said. "She got out. I am a _failed_ prison. You know- nobody can stay in isolation for that long and remain mentally stable. You all think she's fine _now_ , but later, she'll kill us all, I know she will. I bet she's crazy."

She paused to say "Well thanks" very sarcastically and Amethyst and Lapis assumed that was Dot.

"She's not crazy and you're not a prison," Lapis said gently. "You had no idea! And if you had known, you would have freed her, right?"

"I suppose," Peridot grumbled. "If I was not explicitly ordered not to then I likely would have just so she could remain mentally stable and not eliminate everyone on Homeworld."

"See? You're totally not the bad guy here." Amethyst nodded.

"I have to prove it," Peridot said. "Let me prove it."

"Prove what?" Amethyst and Lapis asked dubiously.

"That I'm not the bad guy here. Goodbye."

"Peridot wait-" Amethyst began.

Peridot was quiet. "D'you guys have hoodies? Big, big hoodies. Way too big for me. I want to make myself somewhere to sleep."

"Dot," Lapis said, catching on to the change fairly quickly. "Why would you want to sleep on a big hoodie?"

"I dunno, that's so weird," Dot said. "I wanna sleep _in_ the big hoodie. Sleeping _on_ a hoodie is dumb."

"I probably have one in my room," Amethyst said slowly. "I'll go look."

She opened the temple door and disappeared inside it.

Dot sat quietly, waiting for her hoodie.

"So....," Lapis said awkwardly. "How is life?" What a dumb question, she thought to herself after saying it.

Dot blinked slowly. "Life's... I'unno, man, how _is_ life? What's goin' on these days? What's the world about?" she shook her head thoughtfully.

Lapis shrugged. "I'm still figuring it out myself."

It was a little strange hearing such a casual, relaxed manner of speech come from what looked just like Peridot, and Lapis didn't quite know what to think of this whole entire situation. She did, however, empathize with Dot. Being imprisoned was never fun.

Amethyst returned with a large hoodie and Dot's eyes practically sparkled.

"Yo," Amethyst drawled. "This what you were looking for?"

Dot nodded, and Amethyst threw the hoodie in Dot's direction, sitting down.

Dot got trapped underneath the hoodie, struggling for a few moments before escaping and then pulling the hoodie on over her head. It was several sizes too big and she looked delighted at that.

"How do you even know what a hoodie is?" Amethyst raised an eyebrow. "Homeworld gems seem to know literally nothing about this planet."

Dot blinked slowly. "I think Homeworld was maybe a lot different back then," she mumbled, absently chewing on the sleeve of the hoodie. Amethyst didn't mind, because she probably never would have used that hoodie anyways. "They were... just starting to produce gems," she continued. "You know. Make them in Kindergartens and stuff. And that's when they started making all these changes to gems. You know, like how gems don't gotta eat or sleep. They said it 'detracts from productivity'."

"Gems used to have to eat and sleep?" Amethyst asked with wide eyes.

"Mhm," Dot nodded. "And also when they started making gems, they made them so that they couldn't have babies. I guess now.. no gems can have babies, which kinda sucks 'cause babies are cute and I like to play with 'em. They grab my finger with their small baby hands," Dot said absently. "No more babies," she sighed. "So, yeah. I guess Homeworld would be a lot different now. I probably wouldn't even recognize it."

"You wouldn't." Lapis said with finality, because she had been gone for 5,000 years and hadn't recognized it and Dot had been gone for hundreds of thousands of years, so there was no real question there.

"Wait, so you have to eat and sleep?" Amethyst said.

"Didn't I just _say_ that?" Dot rolled her eyes. "Like, I won't die if I don't eat, but I'll probably just be too hungry to do anything. And too tired to function."

"But if it's been 500 bajillion years." Amethyst said slowly.

Dot shook her head. "I slept and I ate."

Amethyst nodded slowly. "Not gonna question that 'cause I won't get it."

The green gem nodded. "I don't even get it."

"Am I a good person yet?" she said a moment later.

"Peridot?" Lapis said slowly.

"Yes," Peridot said. "Am I a good person yet?"

"Yeah, dude," Amethyst nodded. "But now that you two are.. how are you..."

"We have to split our gem in half!" Peridot declared with so much enthusiasm that it had to be Dot. "Are you absolutely out of your mind, you clod?! That has to be the worst idea I've ever heard!"

"No, I think Dot might be on to something," Lapis mused thoughtfully. "You guys have one gem... and you need two."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> damn she's so high


	9. Dot Hates Millennials

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> happy new year y'all!! *dabs*
> 
> i hope its a hell of a lot better than 2016 has been. this year has been hellish, but i'm proud of everybody for making it and powering on through! 2017 will be better, and if it isn't, i will kick its' petty ass until it decides to be. i'm sorry for taking so long with this update, but it's a good new year's gift, isn't it?

"Lapis Lazuli," Peridot said in a low tone. "If you try to cut my gem in half, I swear-"

"What? No!" Lapis exclaimed, snorting. "That's- I mean, obviously there has to be a better way than _that_."

"I can do it myself," Dot ventured, in a hesitant tone that Lapis and Amethyst would never associate with Peridot. "I like slicing things in half. Vegetables. Walls. People."

"Dude." Amethyst said.

Lapis blinked slowing. "Ignoring that last bit," she said calmly. "I think you two will just have to accept your differences and share your body."

Amethyst started snickering. "Aw, yeah, guys. Share that body."

The two-in-one shuddered.

"Amethyst," Lapis said. "That is _incestuous_. They're practically sisters, come on."

"What? I don't even _know_ her," Peridot said dubiously. "As far as I'm concerned, I have suddenly developed a new personality and I'm in fact going slowly insane and you two are falling for it."

Amethyst and Lapis exchanged glances.

"Believe me," Dot said snidely. "That is not what's going on here. And I just want to get away from you and go home. Find my friends or something."

"Uh, dude, sorry, but you were gone for like, 500 bajillion years. I don't think they'd still be around." Amethyst said pointedly.

Dot winced. "Well, thanks for letting me dream." she said sarcastically.

"Gotta be honest." Amethyst shrugged.

Peridot interrupted with a "Stop, you clods. I want her out of my head, there's no time to talk about her friends! I want her _gone_!"

"And here you were talking about how you were the good guy." Dot sneered.

"Guys, no fighting," Lapis interrupted, quiet and lost in thought.

Dot reached out and gave her the tiniest of electric shocks.

Lapis yelled. "Ow, Perid- Dot! W-what was _that_ for!"

"Rather _shocking_ , if I do say so myself." Dot grinned.

"Please, no." Lapis said.

"In fact, you look positively _electrified_."

"Ugh." Lapis groaned.

"You must be very surprised at the _current_ chain of events."

"That's just awful."

"Diamonds, you sure are _wired_ today."

"Are you done?"

"You're right, I'm sorry. I should stop, my humor doesn't have enough _power._ "

"Alright."

Dot proceeded to die of laughter.

"I like her style." Amethyst mused.

"Are you ever serious about anything?" Lapis asked Dot, sighing.

 "Hm..," Dot said. "Let me think. Oh, yeah! Fighting, and.. uh.. fighting.. and... fight-"

"Point taken! You're only serious about fighting. Then let's spar, Dot."

"Eh..," Dot said. "Nah. I'm too out of practice to spar someone as powerful as you are right now."

"I'm out of practice too," Lapis defended. "I haven't even moved for 5,000 years."

"You're right.." Dot said, sighing.

Las looked at the gem suspiciously.

"I just feel so amazing after 160,000 years of being trapped in my own consciousness and not even opening my eyes. I just feel _so_ alive right now."

Lapis gave a sigh of exasperation. "Touché. But maybe after some sparring, you'll feel better?"

"Yeah! My muscles haven't moved in so long, I bet doing a bunch of running and jumping right away will totally help me feel okay, and I won't pull or sprain anythin-"

"Too much sarcasm."

"It's kind of my language, Lazuli. I swear, I do it without thinking."

Lapis sat, raising an eyebrow. "That's.. not a good thing."

"Sarcasm is an art," Dot said. "Once you embrace sarcasm, you'll find true peace."

Lapis stared at the warrior, not looking amused in the slightest. "And yet, here I am. Totally peaceful, without having embraced sarcasm."

"So you say." Dot said ominously.

"What?" Amethyst blinked. "Sorry, you guys are like, having a conversation and I'm _super lost_."

"My current troubling thought is this," Peridot said suddenly. "What if we take too long to separate ourselves and merge into one complete being," there was a pause before Dot took over to respond. "Uh. no. Don't scare me like that. What if we just yell at each other until we separate?- That doesn't make sense.-Yes, maybe not, but all the same, we could try it.."

"I'm not too smart but you know, I don't think yelling at each other is gonna help much." Amethyst said pointedly.

"Sure it will, watch," Dot said. She proceeded to shriek, and was immediately cut off by a loud "What in the world is wrong with you?! Stop that!"

Dot started laughing. "I'm trying to find a solution to the problem, which is more than- oh, please, you're just trying to get under my skin! You haven't done anything useful since you've got here, you clod!"

They were silent for a moment. "Diamonds," Dot said. "You sure say clod a lot. Who broke you out of the retirement home, grandma?"

"This chick's really got jokes," Amethyst said, cracking up.

Peridot took a very deep breath, trying to calm herself down, for she was finding herself increasingly irritated every moment that passed. Dot was loud, overbearing, annoying, and she called her a grandma and said she had broken out of a retirement home. This was annoying for two main reasons, the first being that Peridot had absolutely no idea what either a grandma or a retirement home was, and the second being that she would absolutely never break out of anything, and as a dependable gem and a proud follower of rules, the fact that the very idea of her breaking out of a 'retirement home' had been suggested at all was deeply offensive to her.

"How come you don't know what a retirement home is? Never been to school, huh." Dot said, roughly jerking Peridot out of her embittered thoughts.

"I didn't say anything!" Peri hissed defensively, feeling rather vulnerable and exposed. "How did you know that?!" Peri was aware of what school was, and had no idea why Dot believed that a gem of high status in the Engineering Department of Homeworld would need to go to a camp to learn advanced battle techniques. She had to pause to remind herself Dot probably hailed from an era where technicians needed to go and learn such things and weren't just gifted with natural talent.

"I can hear your thoughts, duh," Dot said. "It's awful, by the way. Your voice is nasally and, to be quite honest, sounds like what flies would sound like if they could talk. It makes me kinda wanna rip my ears off."

Peridot flushed and scowled deeply, painfully aware of Amethyst and Lapis just listening and staring at them with interest and amusement. "Well," she said, gritting her teeth. "What am I thinking right now?" She made sure to deliberately think of the most obscenity-filled insults she could think of.

"Ouch, that wasn't very nice," Dot said. She was about to add something, Peridot could tell, so she quickly jerked control back. "Well, tell me this, then. Why can't I hear yours?" she countered. Dot's presence in her mind was still, for a moment, as if Dot were deliberating her next move. "Because m'not letting you. Duhhhh." she rolled their eyes.

Peridot concentrated so hard her eyes crossed momentarily and Amethyst wondered aloud if that was Peri or Dot, and if they were dying, could they please let her know. Peri could feel Dot's presence in her mind again, and could feel it better than before, so she uncrossed her eyes and focused harder.

She envisioned her fingers reaching out towards her presence, to touch her for a moment. She could feel her recoil, and then heard her too, a sharp hiss that echoed in Peridot's head- "What are you doing?!"

Peridot reached out further. "Let me-" she thought. "Let me at least talk to the gem who's stolen my body!" She envisioned her fingers holding the presence tight and was roughly yanked into a black room, the same from before, and Dot, standing there.

Peridot wanted her to come closer and she did, looking as if she was being tugged. Dot immediately gritted her teeth and went still, and Peri found herself in restraints. The technician struggled, before recalling how she'd nearly gotten Dot to approach her. She silently took note that this place operated by will and will alone.

"Yeah, it does," Dot said, staring at Peri blankly. "What are you doing?"

Peri turned to the large screen in front. It was dark, showing nothing. The room was devoid of everything but the screen. She carefully summoned her energy blaster and pointed it at Dot. "I want my life back."

"Yeah, me too, buddy," Dot said in response. She stared at the energy blaster with muted amusement. "Are you going to kill me or something?"

Peri fired it and Dot merely absorbed it, looking disappointed. She walked over to Peri, and suddenly, something cold and damp enclosed the technician.

Peri was frozen. She tried to think her way out, tried to scream, but Dot's icy will gripped her like steel, keeping Peridot firmly rooted in place.

"160,000 years," Dot said, circling Peri. "160,000 years in this place. I have the power here. I know every inch of this place, know its' rules, its' tricks. You can't beat me here. You're stupid for trying."

Peridot closed her eyes and exhaled. "You're right. I'm sorry." Her emotions were cycling rapidly- one thought remained firmly at the forefront of her mind- Am I going to die?

"No," Dot said, indignantly. "We can't die here," her voice lowered. "Trust me."

Peridot's thoughts drifted to darker places and she found herself wondering- had Dot tried to kill someone in here? But who was there to kill? What dark secrets were buried here in this place?

"Questions won't get you or me anywhere," Dot said simply, releasing Peri from her somewhat abstract petrification. "What we need to do is find out how to separate, which means we need to talk to your chill friends and bounce ideas. Got it?"

Peridot nodded wordlessly, the whole incident leaving her much subdued. Her mind was powerful and capable indeed, but this was not the kind of puzzle she was used to solving. Despite being painfully aware of this, she attempted to think of a few halfhearted miserable ideas on how to somehow rid herself of Dot.

She was yanked out of the dark room and found herself staring up into Amethyst's face. "Okay, good, you're back," the purple gem said, sounding relived. "I thought for a sec that I might have to pour water on you guys. You were having an out of body experience or something. It was real concerning."

Peridot scowled at the mention of water, which she was not particularly fond of, because of the negative reactions it had with the electronic parts of her form. "Thank you for not doing so," she grumbled.

"Well..," Dot said, after a moment, gently tugging control away from Peri so that she could speak. "I think whatever we do isn't gonna work anyway until we find my body."

"Well, that's.. that's the body, isn't it?" Amethyst groaned.

"There's just.. Peri in it now," Lapis said. "Right?"

Dot sighed deeply. "No. M'body is somewhere on this planet and I have to find it before I can refo- Oh, great! It's more complicated," Peridot interrupted with a scowl. "There's a body to find. Absolutely delightfu- LISTEN, YOU LITTLE SHIT," Dot interrupted, looking irritated beyond belief. "I want you gone, you want me gone, blah blah separate bodies, lives back, common goal, we can work together to get that, m'kay?! Jeez! Is every single word that comes out of your mouth a fucking attack? Gems these days, no fucking chill! Holy fuck!"

Peridot was silent for a long moment, shaken by Dot's sudden, aggressive outburst, but she gave a curt nod. "Collaboration. Fine."

Dot leaned back and closed their eyes, settling deeper into the hoodie. "I'm going to try and find it," she murmured, setting her and Peridot's gem aglow, brow furrowed slightly in concentration.

Peridot could feel herself materializing next to Dot somewhat, and let her presence drift along beside Dot's. Dot stilled for a moment, before continuing. Peri could feel her sending their energy outwards, extending, clearly reaching for something, waiting to feel some sort of feeling, but the Homeworld gem wasn't sure what exactly the sensation Dot was seeking was, and thus could not aid her in her search. Dot materialized herself in thought and paused, before carefully de-materializing again and darting towards some sort of island. Peri wordlessly watched her materialize her form again and dig up some sand, before pulling out an entire body, made out of shimmery green metal, nude (to Peri's incredible discomfort), and caked in wet sand. Dot stared down at it with a sigh. "My resting place," she murmured, and then gave a little snorty laugh, mumbling to herself about being 'fake deep'.

"What  _are_ you?" Peridot asked.

Dot heaved a massive sigh. "A gem's gotta keep some secrets."

The technician merely scowled. "Can we go back now? How did you do this?" she then realized that there was a fairly powerful gem standing in front of her right now. "You.. did this with your mind. With your thoughts."

Dot furrowed her brow. "It's a lil' weird talking to empty space. Also," she gestured widely. "This is my mind. I have only extended it."

"How long have you been in here," Peridot said, with a quiver of fear. "In _my_ brain, feeling around like this-"

"Peri," Dot interrupted. "Peri. I..," she took a breath. "It's only because I have freer reign that I can... I need to tell them about this island. I'll get out of here. I'll get out of your hair- or-" she smirked. "Head, should I say. Geddit? Geddi-"

Peridot groaned, and Dot, laughing as if she had told the joke of the year, brought them back to their body, so to speak.

"It's sooooo funny watchin' you guys have out of body experiences," Amethyst said. Lapis was snickering. "You two drooled so much."

Peridot flushed brightly and hurriedly wiped their mouth. "Ugh," she grumbled. "Are we going to tell the others about Dot?"

Amethyst and Lapis exchanged glances, clearly not having thought of this before.

"Oh," Lapis said. "Well, um," she furrowed her brow thoughtfully. "I mean, I uh.. I'd rather.. not, but if Amethyst-"

"Nah," Amethyst said, brow set with determination. "Pearl and Garnet are always off doing things on their own. This is my thing. So did you find your body, Dot?"

Dot nodded their head and briefly outlined the directions she had taken to get to the island. Peri bitterly reflected on how finding Dot only provided the vessel for when they both had  _two separate gems_ and failed to solve the problem at its' core, but she supposed it was something at least, and perhaps they'd figure something out when they got to that point. She resisted the urge to sigh heavily.

"So..," Lapis said. "We have to plan, but.."

"We can so do this," Amethyst grinned. "I can't  _wait_."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> amethyst no lapis no tell your peers do not undertake this unpredictable powerful ancient gem,, haven't y'all ever watched a movie? these things never end well.
> 
> again, happy new year to all <3


	10. A Mediocre Pizza Experience

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it's just a little bit important to note that the diamonds aren't the size of skyscrapers in this au they average around like 5'6" or 5'7" ,, fun facts am i right?
> 
> this update took ridiculously long and im sorry pals

Peridot was hiding in the bathtub, the shower curtain pulled across, hiding her from view. Her chest rose and fell quickly, but she tried to keep her breathing steady and silent. She could hear the footsteps getting louder and louder, it had been a stupid idea to hide in the  _bathroom_ \- this scenario was confusing for many reasons, some being that: a) she had no idea who was coming, b) she had no clue what a 'bathtub' or a 'shower curtain' was, though she had been made aware of the meaning of a 'bathroom' by Steven upon an unfortunate encounter where she may or may not have attempted escape via what he called 'toilet'. (It didn't work, it just left her dripping with water, soaked to the core of her form, and more miserable than usual), and c) she was feeling a definite sense of fear, that was only amplified by the fact she had no clue what was going on. This base looked nothing like the Crystal Gem's.

She had been enjoying (not quite the word for it) a nightmare during which she was forced to endure the long torturous moments before she would be granted the dignity of death at the hands of Yellow Diamond herself, when suddenly she found herself whisked away to this bathtub where she crouched in an uncomfortable position, trying not to make any noise at all, just hearing footsteps all around, sometimes sounding close, sometimes sounding far away. Peridot got the odd urge to just jump out of the bathtub and scream and make her presence known, but that seemed like an incredibly unwise decision, seeing as she had no idea if whoever the footsteps belonged to was even looking for  _her_. She would really like some answers as to what was going on-

Dot materialized next to her, eyes wide. "Jeez, you won't  _believe_ what just happened to me," she said.

"Shhhh!" Peri hushed her immediately, eyes wide too, though with fear. "I have reason to suspect that somebody is searching for me at present and I don't exactly want them to find me!"

"It's okay, we're just dreaming," Dot assured. "We're asleep right now. It took me a while to figure it out myself, but we'll wake up sooner or later and nothing can actually hurt us seriously, since we're just in a dream. I was just in one of yours- I was sifting through some papers, about to make a new peridot. That's kinda like a baby, don't you think? Do they come out small?"

"Shut u-" Peridot cut herself off as the door to the bathroom began to be roughly hit repeatedly- either somebody was trying very hard to get their attention or very hard to get into the room.

"PERIDOT!" a voice snarled. "LET ME IN!"

"You have some really weird dreams, just saying," Dot said.

"This is- I have literally never had a dream like this before," Peri snapped, absolutely humiliated that Dot had been inside of her nightmare. That was a weirdly intimate thing for somebody to know and Peri didn't like Dot nearly enough to even begin contemplating sharing that sort of thing with her. Of course she'd found out anyway, because they shared heads at present, which happened to be the most unfortunate situation Peri had ever been in- that was really something, considering that at one point she'd had to take an escape pod out of a crashing, burning hand ship. Not that she'd ever say that to Dot, who was easily offended and would probably whine about it.

"Peridot!" Dot mimicked. "Let me in!"

"I'm telling you, this isn't one of mine," Peri hissed. 

"Sure, Peri," Dot said, sarcastically. She glanced at the door. "You spend a lot of time hidin' in the bathtub, Peri?" she asked.

"No," Peridot said, gritting her teeth. "I don't even know what a- I'm telling you. This isn't my-"

The scene changed abruptly, leaving both of them a little dazed and confused. 

"Peridot-01," Yellow Diamond scowled down at Peridot. "I am beyond disappointed with your performance lately. Never have I ever been so massively let down by a gem of my court."

Peri shrank down, face burning, but she stayed silent- she didn't want to say anything in front of Dot. She definitely didn't want the other gem to have any sort of ammunition for teasing or bad puns- she seemed that kind of person.

Dot was staring up at Yellow Diamond, brow furrowed. There was a slightly thoughtful expression on her face, and she appeared merely to be reflecting, which was funny, because the last thing that Peridot wanted to do right then was  _reflect_. She was quite impressed by Dot's amazing ability to completely tune out Yellow Diamond by  _staring_ at her, though Dot probably spent a lot of time not paying attention anyways. She mentally berated herself for that thought, for Peridot knew that Dot was fairly intelligent, she had to be- there was a lot of power churning beneath the gem's friendly, laid-back exterior. This was her third night sharing a body with Dot, though this was their first night having any dreams while they slept, and the technician had yet to forget a particularly eye-opening incident that involved Dot petrifying her in Dot's former prison.

"Well?" Yellow Diamond demanded, getting up. "Haven't you anything to say for yourself?!"

Peridot swallowed hard and fixed her gaze on the floor, clenching her fingers into a fist and trying not to whimper pathetically or worse, cry. Of course Dot had to see this, and Peri didn't even get to see any of her weaknesses, Dot got to see this vulnerability, her weak spot, her Achilles' heel, and Peridot got nothing. Of course. That was just how it was going to go for her.

"You're not even going to defend yourself? Not going to explain anything?" YD sneered. "Is it because you already know that you  _failed me_?"

Peridot let loose that pathetic whimper she'd been holding in.

Dot seemed to come back to herself at the noise, and glanced at Peri with a concerned frown. 

"Not even a last word? A final wish?" 

"I-" Peri began.

The scene warped again, abruptly, and Peri was plopped into an unfamiliar scenario. Dot was nowhere to be seen, and Peridot hunched over and tried not to cry. She dug her fingers into the soft, plush material beneath her, and miserably reflected on how she was not sure she could take a whole night of this.

"Peri?" Dot's voice was tentative.

Peri swallowed thickly and sat up. "Yes?" she snapped. "What is it?"

Dot looked awkwardly at the ground. "Uh, I just kinda," she made a series of odd hand movements and swayed back and forth for a moment or two. "Okay?" she furrowed her brow in concentration, mumbled a few nonsense words, than took a breath. "You. Are  _you_ okay."

"Fine, thanks," the green gem said bitterly.

"M'super sorry about," Dot took a breath. "All this stu-" Dot looked around, and seemed to process where they were for a moment. Apprehension briefly flitted across her face and she locked the door and pushed a desk against it.

"So you're not even going to make fun of me?" Peridot asked, gritting her teeth. "Laugh or- or-"

" _No_ ," Dot said, sounding exasperated. "Honestly, Peri, I'm not a  _complete_ asshole. I'm at most a Level Seven. You'd have to be at least a Level Twenty asshole to-"

"What in the world are you talking about?" Peridot wondered aloud.

There were footsteps to be heard down the hall, and the sound of somebody breathing just outside the door. Dot closed her eyes and murmured inaudibly under her breath.

Peri dimly recognized a somewhat recurring theme, and gave Dot an accusatory look (which was wasted, seeing as the other gem didn't even have her eyes open). "That dream earlier was yours, wasn't it! You were just trying to pin it on _me_!"

"No," Dot winced. "That was yours. With all the you failed me stuff? Definitel-"

"You know _exactly_ what I'm referring to, Dot!" Peri hissed.

"Look," Dot said, opening her eyes reluctantly and biting her lip. "You can- you can call me out later- I'd rather not- not right now-"

"What is a bathtub!" Peri demanded.

"How come you don't know what a ba-" Dot closed her eyes tightly and gave a shaky exhale. "Hooooo.. this is gonna be a long night."

"You could have at least not attempted to put the blame on me like th-" Peri began.

"Sorry, okay? Sorry," Dot groaned. "It's just that- if things went south and the dream went any further, there are.. there are um, some things," she grimaced as the door gave quiet thuds as whoever was on the other side tried to open it. "That I wasn't really interested in- that I'd really rather you not know about me-" she pushed her weight against the desk, trying to keep the mystery person out.

"You're a criminal, aren't you?" Peri demanded. "Your whole story was a-"

"No, it was the  _truth_ ," Dot gritted her teeth, straining with effort. "You've gotta listen- m'not a criminal! I just like keeping things to myself. I like to have my secre-"

The scene changed abruptly, and Peri recognized it immediately, horror crashing down on her and nearly knocking her off of her feet. If only, if only this was the setting of another awful nightmare. In a sort of twisted, twisted way, it was the setting of a nightmare, the personal nightmare unfolding in Peri's life right at that moment.

Dot stood there, looking a combination of relieved and embarrassed. She swallowed hard and turned to Peri. "I think maybe if we think hard enough we can wake up and um-" 

"We need to go," Peri blurted out. "This nightmare is...," she thought very hard, just trying to diffuse what would soon be the worst situation she'd ever been in. "Super bad- and I'll.. have a total breakdown if I have to.. do it with you watching me like that."

"Oh," Dot said, wringing her hands together. "I'unno how to.. _leave_ , but I-"

"Quick, quick!" Peri exclaimed, shooing Dot into a different room, following close behind. "We've gotta get out of here! Shh- stay quiet."

"Peri?" Lapis called, entering the room. Dot and Peri peeked out at her from cracks in the door. Peri swallowed hard and just hoped this worked out well.

Dot glanced over at Peri. "That's your blue friend," she whispered.

"Um.. affirmative," Peri whispered back anxiously. "We used to be er.. enemies, and I still have very bad.. dreams.. about those times."

Dot gave Peri a skeptical look but nodded. She stared at Lapis, and looked distant for a moment before heaving a sigh. Peri widened her eyes and wished Dot wasn't so horrifically  _noisy_ , but Lapis had heard it.

"Peri? I just heard you- I know you're in here," Lapis said, with a frown.

"Look what you did!" Peri whispered.

"Is that you? Peridot?" Lapis walked over to the tiny room and flung the door open. She stared at Peri and Dot. "I knew you were here."

"Can I come out of the closet now?" Dot whined. She then snorted, as if amused by something she had said- which baffled Peri, nothing about Dot's inquiry had been even remotely funny and Peri wasn't 100% sure what a closet was, though now that she was really looking around her hiding spot, it appeared to be some sort of storage unit for appearance modifiers.

Lapis gave Dot a distracted nod and then looked back to Peridot. "I got you something off the beach," she said gently.

"What the heck fuck kinda nightmare is this?" Dot asked incredulously, eyes flitting from Lapis and back to Peri again.

Lapis quietly gave Peri a shell.

"Oh no, any minute now," Peri said, attempting to sound scared. "It's going to come out of the shell."

"Smash it on the ground then!" Dot exclaimed shrilly.

"And provoke it? I think not!"

"What are you two going on about?" Lapis rolled her eyes. She smiled softly at Peri and pulled her closer, gently. "Did you like it?"

"This is  _not_ a nightmare!" Dot said, looking a little panicked. "I don't want to be in your wet dream!"

"That's not what this is!" Peridot stammered, going bright blue. "There's been a big misunderstanding-"

"This means that-" Dot spluttered. "I definitely don't want you in  _mine_!"

"Is there a problem?" Lapis frowned.

"Um- no," Peri said, feeling her whole face heat up. "It's just- I just-"

Dot was looking very horrified all of a sudden and was actually starting to appear a bit ill. Peridot frowned at her with concern, and then immediately berated herself. She did not need to feel anything like concern for the green gem- she just wanted Dot  _gone_.

"Oh god- this is your idea of sexy!" Dot moaned. "What if you- if you end up in one of mine- and you're so vanilla, god- this is  _officially_ the worst thing that's ever happened to me," she looked to the ceiling. "Hello! Clear Diamond, if you're listening now would be a good time for magical lightning to strike me killing me  _instantly_!"

"What exactly are your-"

"So you admit it!" Dot said wildly. "This is a wet dream!"

Peridot gave a low noise of humiliation. "This is truly going to be a long night," she whispered.

"Um, what?" Lapis said. She leaned into Peri a little. "Do you like the shell?"

_Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck_ , Peridot thought."Yeah," she quietly licked her lips in an attempt to moisten them, as they were dry. "It's a satisfactory-"

The scene changed and every single muscle in Peridot's form relaxed.

Dot looked just about ready to scream, looking around wildly. "Okay," she said, looking calm. "This might be yours- I don't recognize-"

"How come you don't get to have to suffer with someone standing there while you're in a- while you're-" Peri's cheeks coloured.

Dot started to laugh. "A  _shell_ , Peri?" she laughed even harder. "You're so innocent. It's adorable," she snorted. "I got you a shell." she mimicked. 

"Well," the green gem retorted. "At least my dreams aren't repetitive! Yours always consist of you hiding somewhere while unidentified people walk around outside."

"Yeah, it's a recurring theme," Dot smiled wryly, just as footsteps sounded from outside. "See?"

"Unbelievable." Peri deadpanned.

Someone walked in, face stern. "Peridot! I know you're in here!"

Dot glanced at Peri, who stared blankly back at Dot.

"Probably you," Dot mouthed.

Peridot hesitantly stepped forward.

"You there! Where is Peridot?" the stern-looking gem demanded.

Peridot glanced backwards at Dot, who walked forward, expression neutral. 

The gem nodded and promptly strapped Dot to a table. Dot gave a little thoughtful 'hm' and Peridot just stared, not sure what emotion to feel. This was definitely a nightmare- Peri could tell. 

"This is definitely the worst nightmare I've ever had," Dot said. 

Peri squinted. "I can't even identify a singular fear."

"Um, my fear of tables, my fear of other sentient beings, my fear of living," Dot said. "All very terrifying."

"I didn't give you permission to talk," the gem hissed.

"Sorry," Dot said.

"This seems kind of," Peridot flushed slightly and averted her gaze. "This seems like maybe it's um- you know- um,  _you know_!"

"Do I look like the type to be into this?" Dot demanded. "Ugh. I've never been more offended in my life. Suggesting I'm into bondage! BDSM! Why, the very thought is enough to give me a stroke," Dot took a deep breath. "But I mustn't let others' comments have a negative affect on my health. I simply cannot allow others to impact me that much."

"O _kay_ ," Peridot said, suspiciously. She'd be delighted if this turned out to be a wet dream, simply because it gave her something to use against Dot- and Peri had been beginning to find it quite unfair that Dot had so much dirt on her from this whole awful experience and she wasn't any closer to finding things to tease Dot about, really, except for the fact that there were a lot of footsteps in her dreams. "What is.. stroke?"

Dot just stared at Peridot in quiet silence. "Wow."

The gem took out a large tray full of rope and gags and other such materials.

Peri started to laugh. "Some  _nightmare_ -"

"I assure you," Dot said. "This is only an attempt to play in to my deep phobia of all BDSM-related things. Bondage and discipline, dominance and submission, and sadism and masochism.. these don't interest me in any way- rather, they fill me with fear. You don't know it, for my poker face is well developed and aged like a fine wine- but I'm really about to cry- that's how deeply terrified I am."

Peridot lost it at that, and started laughing hysterically, nearly falling onto the floor. "My- my poker face i-is well developed and aged like- like a fine wine!" she gasped out, laughing too hard to speak properly.

Dot flushed. "What?" she demanded. "What in the world is so funny about that, huh?" she gave a low hiss, and a little shriek. "Kink! Kinky materials! It burns, it burns! Please! I have an allergy!"

Dot was promptly shushed and handcuffed. "I'm going to break out in hives!" Dot pleaded. "No cuffs! I'll go into anaphylactic shock!" 

"It's funny how you know the whole acronym," Peridot pointed out.

"That doesn't mean anything!" Dot defended, flushing brightly. "Who doesn't?"

"Well... me, for example," Peridot said. "I thought it was bondage, dominance, submission, and masochism. I thought that was all of it." Peridot knew what BDSM was, of course, from unfortunate snippets of conversations she'd heard from quartzes guarding the rooms where she did much of her repairs, and the last thing she had wanted to do was research it extensively, so she just knew what she'd overheard them speaking about.

"You heathen!" Dot groaned, and was promptly shushed by the gem. "That's just 'cause of your lack of education-"

The scene changed, and Dot gave an audible noise of relief, the handcuffs disappearing along with it. Dot quietly rubbed her wrists. "Now, where's this?" she hummed thoughtfully.

"I don't recognize it." Peri said.

"Neither do I," Dot said, absently.

"Guys...." a voice whispered, echoing throughout the barren landscape. "Guys....."

The ground began to shake violently, and Peridot found herself falling into the dust- Dot was nowhere in sight, the sand was being blown around wildly, and she couldn't see. Terror chilled the green gem to the core, and she tried to scream, but her mouth filled with sand and she began to choke, the wind whipping around and bringing tears to her eyes. Sand slammed into her form, and began to pile up on top of her. Peridot desperately tried to free herself, reaching up desperately- fingers outstretching, only for freedom to be ultimately denied- she could feel sand, oozing and forcing its' way into every free spot of her form it could find- she began to suffocate, choking- 

"Guys!" 

Peridot cracked an eye open and stared up into Amethyst and Lapis's faces. Lapis murmured a little 'okay, they're up', and Amethyst stopped shaking them.

"Oh," Peridot groaned, turning over. "Salutations."

"Salutations isn't really a cool way to say hi to someone," Lapis rolled her eyes. "Anyways, me and Amethyst have actually been doing work and we just need you to tell us where we need to go to find Dot's body or whatever. We leave today, we say we're going to explore Earth... where's the island?"

Peridot let Dot take control of their form, and Dot quietly stared at the map, tracing a line with their finger. She paused at an island. "Here."

"Then we go here." Lapis said.

There had been a thought burning at the forefront of Peridot's mind for a while now- she wanted to know what Lapis had been about to say before Amethyst had come and taken the visor and distracted them by unleashing an ancient gem, the depth of her powers unknown, upon their unsuspecting forms- though Peridot was aware she was starting to emerge anyway, and it was likely a matter of time, she wished dearly it could have waited until Lapis had finished what she'd been about to tell Peridot.

However, Peridot had no clue how to go about voicing her desire to hear Lazuli's incomplete sentence, so she kept it to herself, waiting for what would be an.. appropriate time to request the rest of Lapis's statement.

"Oh man, it's far," Amethyst groaned. "We're definitely gonna say we're going like, to the other side of the planet, maybe. This is definitely a lot. Anyways, you guys look tired enough to drop dead, so we'll do some more planning and we'll get back to you in the morning."

"I do not require sleep-" Peridot began.

"It's a long trip," Lapis said good-naturedly. "And Steven recommends it. Goodnight, Peri! Goodnight, Dot!"

Peridot sighed, giving in. "Goodnight, Lapis, Amethyst."

"'Night," Dot murmured.

Lapis and Amethyst left, whispering about maps and journeys.

Peridot lay them back down, and quietly closed their eyes.

They fell back asleep quickly, and Peridot was this time prepared for the landscape she was thrust into- she was surrounded by tall trees, reaching towards the heavens, there was long grass beneath her feet, and it waved back and forth, back and forth, swaying in the heavy wind. It was raining, hard and relentless, and Dot was there, simply standing still, head turned upwards towards the sky. Lightning danced across the darkened skies, as if dancing, and thunder boomed, joining to create nature's gentle aria, a ballad of thunder of lightning, of clouds and rain. Dot gently reached out, rain gently falling onto her outstretched palms, delicate droplets of water trickling down her face, her cheeks, dewy drops lingering on her lashes and running from her fingertips and falling gently to the ground.

"What in the world are you doing?" Peri demanded, made uncomfortable by the water- they didn't mix well. She wasn't waterproof at all, it was going to find its' way into her limb enhancers and then they'd start malfunctioning- electricity and water did not mix- Dot was entirely composed out of metal and seemed to be powered by electricity- shouldn't she know this?

"This is still a dream," Dot reminded the technician. "Water can't do anything here."

Peridot gritted her teeth. "What is the purpose of everything you are doing right now?"

"I love rain," Dot said. "I've never been able to enjoy it, though. I've always had to listen from my bedroom window- but now I can stand in it. There are benefits to this place.. soon I won't be able to stand in the rain anymore. I want to... savour this while I still can. C'mon, stand with me. Hold out your fingers."

Peridot gave Dot an indignant look. "I am  _not_ going to stand in the rain like some sort of- some sort of-"

"Fingers out," Dot said, swaying gently from side to side, fluttering her fingers. "C'mon."

Peridot scowled. "I can't believe I'm doing this," she grumbled, but she held out her fingers. "This is disgusting. I'm cold." 

"And look at the sky," Dot said, closing her eyes peacefully, and somewhat ignoring Peri. "Look at the clouds- the lightning- listen to the thunder. It's beautiful. It's beautiful, isn't it?"

Peridot couldn't deny that there was some sort of whimsical, ethereal charm to standing here like this- underneath the rain, vulnerable to something that she spent so much time avoiding. The water gently trickled down her cheeks.

Dot had began to hum softly. "And you thought I was crazy."

"I still do," Peridot said.

The two fell silent, standing underneath the rain. It was silent except for the rustle of leaves and grass, the gentle whooshing of the wind, the soft pitter patter of the rain, and the low rumble of the thunder.

"Okay, seriously," Peridot said, with a sigh. "Your abrupt change of mood is starting to disorient me."

"It's going to happen soon, that's all," Dot said, glancing at Peridot, looking as if it pained her to take her eyes off of the sky, even if it were just for a moment. "M'gonna get my body back. So I wanna treasure the good parts. Remember what I'll miss about this place."

Peri noted the hoarseness of Dot's voice. "Are you crying?" she squinted.

"No," Dot said, smiling. "That's the rain."

They remained there for the rest of the night.

* * *

Peri and Dot were woken by Lapis and Amethyst, as they had both predicted they would be.

"I'm going to be ahead, holding the map," Lapis whispered, while Peridot and Dot listened carefully. "Amethyst is going to shapeshift into some sort of- flying thing that can transport- what was it called again?"

"A helicopter," Amethyst answered.

"A helicopter," Lapis repeated. "We've plotted places to stop, so that she can rest her form. We should be at the island in two days. Dot, you're  _sure_ your body is there? And you're sure you know where to find it?"

"I'm positive," Dot said, with a firm nod.

"Then that won't take too long, and we'll need two days for the journey back. Overall, the trip'll take 5-6 days- so, around a week. Amethyst's going to go talk to Garnet and Pearl right now," Lapis said. "So!"

"A'ight, I'm gonna go talk to 'em," Amethyst said. "Hope this works," she grimaced, but she got up and left to attempt this foreseeably difficult conversation.

* * *

"Yo.. Garnet? Pierogi?" Amethyst asked tentatively.

"Oh, good morning, Amethyst!" Pearl greeted warmly. "You're up rather early- me and Garnet were just having some tea- would you like some?"

"Uh, no thanks," Amethyst said, before giving Pearl a hopeful look."But I'll take your teacup."

" _No_ ," Pearl huffed. "You  _cannot_ eat my teacup."

"Okay, well, uh, actually, I wanted to ask you a question," Amethyst took a breath. "So, uh, I know this is, um.. a little bit weird- but I kinda wanted to actually take P-Dot and Lapis to see, yanno, some other cool exciting parts of Earth.. so I was wonderin' if I could take 'em on a little trip. Like, just for a week or so. I swear I can manage 'em, and Lapis isn't interested in fighting back anyway, and P-Dot told me herself that she wanted to learn more about this planet. Even if it's a trick, me and Lapis were talking and she agreed to help me wrangle Peridot if she gets out of hand, so..," Amethyst looked at them nervously. "Can I?"

Garnet and Pearl stared back at Amethyst.

"Okay, okay, I know-" Amethyst began.

"Amethyst, this is a  _wonderful_ idea!" Pearl exclaimed, looking delighted. "Showing them more of Earth- of course they're not going to learn to feel anything positive towards it if they feel caged in the temple- wonderful thinking, Amethyst! Are you sure you can handle them?"

Amethyst gave a firm nod. "Are you down too, Garnet?"

Garnet gave a slight nod. "Yes."

"Alright!" Amethyst grinned, and excitedly ran to share the good news. "They said yes! We can go! Look, you two gotta be in character, okay? Act like you're kinda bein' dragged along. Remember, you don't  _really_ wanna see the world. 'Cause ya kinda hate it here."

"Right," Peridot said slowly.

"Dot, pretend you don't exist until we're a safe distance away, okay?" Amethyst said.

"I was gonna do that anyway," Dot said flatly. "Since you decided not to tell.. Garnet and Pearl that I exist."

"Sorry! They'll meet you when we separate you."

"Which we still haven't really figured out the detai-" Lapis began.

"Don't be a Debbie Downer!" Amethyst interrupted.

"A what?" Lapis said.

"Just c'mon," Amethyst said. "Remember. Game faces, guys!"

"What faces?" Peri grumbled. "What are you talking about?"

"Follow me," Amethyst instructed. She walked back out- Garnet and Pearl were still having tea. "We wanna leave now.. Ste-man up yet?"

"No, not yet," Pearl shook her head. "Good morning, Peridot, good morning, Lapis."

Peridot grunted.

"Hi," Lapis said, monotonously.

Pearl rolled her eyes and looked back to Amethyst. "Why- you're not taking Steven with you, are you?"

"Nah, I just can't leave without sayin' goodbye to him, duh," Amethyst said. "Jeez, Pierogi, you must be half asleep or somethin'."

"That's not a given!" Pearl huffed. "Anyways, it's nearly 9:30, and that's when his alarm is set to wake him up, so he'll be awake soon, and you can say goodbye to him then."

Amethyst sat down and waited.

"I thought you were going to show me the rest of the planet," Peri said, making sure her tone was flat and unimpressed, absently thinking this to be something she would say, before realizing, piteously, that she didn't really know exactly  _what_ she'd say had she not known the information she knew now. "This is just the kitchen."

Amethyst groaned. "I'm waitin' for Steven to wake up so I can say goodbye to him. And you're gonna say bye to him too."

"I am? I was not made aware of this," was Peridot's sharp retort.

"He'll miss you," Lapis said.

"What do  _you know_ ," Peridot sneered.

Lapis glared daggers at Peridot.

"Are you sure you can handle them both on your own?" Pearl fretted.

"Is this just a nicer way for you to tell me you think I'm irresponsible?" Amethyst demanded.

"No, no, I'm just  _saying_.." Pearl said weakly.

"I can behave myself," Peridot said sarcastically. "If that's what you're concerned about."

Pearl sighed deeply and took a sip of her tea, not offering any more words, lest her meaning be misinterpreted again.

In a mere 15 minutes or so, Steven came waltzing into the kitchen. "Goooood morning, Garnet! Goooood morning, Pearl! Goooooood morning, Amethyst! Goooooood morning, Lap-"

"Do you have to say good morning to every single individual in the room?" Peridot complained. "A 'good morning, everybody' would have sufficed, Steven."

"Someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning," Steven said, winking at Peridot.

"What does that mean?" Peridot demanded. "I did not! I did everything correctly! Are you insinuating that I executed the process of sleep incorrectly?"

"No, it's just an expression," Steven assured. "Anyways... gooooood morning, Lapis! Goooooood morning, Peridot!"

"Good morning, Steven," Lapis said, smiling warmly at the young half-gem. "Amethyst is going to take us for a short trip to explore Earth."

"Whoa!" Steven gasped. "Are you gonna take 'em to see all the big cities? NYC! Paris! Toronto! London!" 

"I thought they might appreciate some of Earth's more natural beauty, Steve-o," Amethyst said. "So I'm takin' them to a pretty lil recluse island."

"A gem baby!" Peridot squealed, and it took Amethyst only a very short moment to realize that that had been Dot and Dot was going to mess everything up. Peridot looked alarmed, then scowled deeply. "Not gem baby, gem maybe.. gemini? Is that how you pronounce it?"

"Oh," Pearl said, slowly, before nodding. "Yes, it's pronounced Gemini."

"I read that word in some Earth literature," Peridot sniffed, and Amethyst felt relieved at Peri's save.

"Oh," Pearl said, again, starting to look a bit wary. Her tone was filled with suspicion. "That's.. wonderful, Peridot."

"ANYWAYS," Amethyst said. "We're gonna get going, so.."

"Amethyst," Garnet said.

"Yeah?" Amethyst said, blinking.

"Be careful," Garnet said.

Amethyst stared at Garnet, and in that moment, she knew that Garnet knew, and was letting her go on ahead and do it anyway. "I...," she said. "I will."

Garnet just gave a slight nod. 

* * *

And they set off, Lapis flying on ahead with the map and Amethyst carrying Peri and Dot while shapeshifted to look like a helicopter.

"I just want you to know how _creepy_ you look right now," Lapis said.

Amethyst laughed, and then groaned. "Dot! You're getting me all wet!"

"Yeah, I get that a lot," Dot joked, despite sweating profusely and looking petrified.

"Oh my god," Amethyst groaned. "Well, stop sweating all over me!"

"It's very hot up here, in the air," Dot said.

"It's not," Peri said. "I think you have a fear of-"

"NO! Absolutely not! I have a fear of  _nothing_! I am Dot, the grand, the glorious, the  _fearless_! I have a legacy of being unafraid! I cut down everyone who dares oppose me! I-"

"Oh god," Amethyst said. "I feel like I'll regret helping break free some dangerous fearless ancient gem criminal thing."

"Oh, no," Dot said quickly. "You won't! You won't regret it, I swear, I'm just gonna disappear and not bother any of you anymore."

"Pity," Lapis said, her tone light and teasing. "I'm growing to like you a lot."

Peri stiffened a bit.

Dot looked from Lapis to Peri and then back to Lapis, nodding slowly. "Well, yeah," she said. "I'm a pretty likeable person."

* * *

"This is the island," Lapis nodded. "It took us two days to get here, just like I predicted." she looked proud.

"I knew there was a very slim possibility of you interpreting the data incorrectly," said Peri. Dot was very restless, she could feel Dot's presence in her mind moving about, flighty, unsettled by the closeness of their proximity to her body, the fact that they were taking a moment to converse. Dot didn't want to stand around, clearly, and Peri wasn't deliberately dragging out her agony. To be truthful, she was a little, slightly offput by Lapis's comment about growing to like Dot, slightly dismayed at herself and her insecurities, of course Lapis hadn't meant it like that, she had just met Dot.

All the same, though, Dot seemed to be a better version of Peridot, wittier than Peridot, more powerful than Peridot, more charming than Peridot, more casual than Peridot, more flexible and fluid than Peridot, she was all the things that Peridot was not, and rather than loathe Dot for it, Peridot found herself loathing only herself for her shortcomings. Why  _wouldn't_ she like Dot more? She should. She really should, there wasn't a single decent reason she shouldn't favour Dot over Peri. Not one. Peri was so.. so pathetic, compared to this being, this ancient being who seemed to have a wordless sort of command over the spaces she stood and existed in, who had an unspoken sort of charm, a sway to her crooked smile, to the slight slur of her words.

"So you remember where to go, right, dude? Otherwise this was all a terrible awful mistake," Amethyst said.

Peridot gently allowed Dot to jerk back control, so that she could respond. Dot nodded. "Yup," she said, chipperly. 

Peridot, in their brief moment of switching, had been able to detect some sort of dark tones in the usual neutral cloud that was Dot's presence. It wasn't a dark tone that made her draw back at first, rather it was as if Dot was entangled in the darkness, and the dark was somehow separated from her. It was a miserable, dangerous sort of feeling, and one that scared Peridot somewhat, and she reached out to feel it again, and she noted it before Dot's presence sharply recoiled and Dot withdrew fully, nearly having them crumple to the floor, nobody handling functions such as standing or walking. Peri hurriedly took control of the body, feeling a bit scared and uncertain. She turned to Amethyst.

"I don't think this is a good idea," Peri said, not able to explain what she had felt. But the darkness had been scary, and all-encompassing, and it had pinned her down for a moment, Dot had still been able to actively hide away the subject matter of her dreams from Peri. Dot was hiding something, and Peri didn't know what it was. It scared her, though, and felt unsafe- Dot felt unsafe, right now- the closer they'd gotten to the island, the more unstable and unpredictable Dot had grown. This seemed less like a good idea, and more like a silly fever dream, a child's fantasy, getting Dot's body and separating sounded like a lame joke, a story scribbled out by a naive child. This was dangerous, they shouldn't have gotten entangled in this on their own. They should've notified Garnet and Pearl, they should've worked with them- more seasoned, experienced Crystal Gems to work out a plan, instead of going out and trying to take on this ancient, possibly dangerous gem on their own. Now it was too late, far too late, they could hardly turn back now. Since coming to Earth Peridot had gotten sadly acquainted with the nauseous feeling that accompanied the pits of dread that so often formed in her stomach. She felt nauseous now, stomach churning, why had they done what they did? Dot wasn't safe.

_You can think that if you want_ , said Dot, suddenly.  _M'so close now. M'so close, I don't care. I won't hurt you if you don't hurt me. M'only dangerous when I gotta be._

"What? Peri? Is that you?" Amethyst squinted. "You don't.. you don't look so good. Are you okay?"

Peridot felt something in her go limp, metaphorically. She let Dot take control.

"No," said Dot. "I suffered briefly from momentary regrets, but we do need to do this."

She let Dot pretend to be her.  _Why are you doing this?_

_I have to get out_ , said Dot.  _Anything to get out. And then I'll leave you alone, like I said. Like you want. You don't understand, I know you don't. You couldn't possibly. Things are complicated. M'not bad. I just gotta get out._

Peri felt Dot's terror, briefly for a moment, before Dot withdrew.  _I just want to.._ , Peri ventured, hesitantly. That was what this planet did to you, made you hesitant and sappy and vulnerable, made you try and reach out. It had its' pluses and it had its' negatives, Peridot wasn't sure if she liked it.  _Try and help you a little bit. Are you alright? You've been on edge since we started making our way here._

_Don't try and help me. I don't need your help. I don't need anyone's. I need my body and then I need to go_ , said Dot, sharply, Peridot was finding it hard to tell whether or not the nausea was hers or if it was Dot's, she saw Lapis and Amethyst locking worried eyes, exchanged expressions of concern. Peridot registered vaguely that her and Dot's emotions were mixing awfully in a terrible stomach-churning, migraine-inducing, nausea-producing mess, it was hard to see clearly, they needed to find the body, they needed to separate, Peridot needed to breathe, she couldn't breathe. Lapis and Amethyst were talking, saying something, she couldn't hear it.

_Dot_ , Peri said blindly.  _Dot_.

All of a sudden it was over. Peridot righted herself a bit, taking a deep breath.

"P..eri? Dot?" Lapis said, tentatively. "What, uh.. are you.. are you guys okay?"

"Yup," said Dot. "Momentary confusion, couldn't exactly find m'body for a little bit."

Dot's lies came out so smoothly, thought Peridot, overwhelmed, a bit feverish, confused, afraid. 

"Let's trek on, folks," Dot continued.

Amethyst and Lapis exchanged looks again, clearly having the same kind of scared, regretful second thoughts Peridot had just had, but it was too late, and they all knew it. Dot kept going forward. "It's there," she said. "We gotta dig."

_Oh Diamonds, oh Diamonds_ , thought Peridot. _This is why I need to stay cynical. This is what happens when I don't think everybody's out to get me, I let down my guard just once and then there's somebody there who really,_ really _is out to get me._

_M'not out to get you_ , replied Dot.  _I want to get m'body. I thought it was clear. Please. M'not dangerous. M'not gonna hurt anyone. I just want to get out. That's all. It's been so long, that's all_.

People get locked up for reasons, people get imprisoned for reasons, nobody locks somebody in their consciousness for no reason. Peri should have known better. Amethyst was digging, and Lapis was helping her, with her hands.

After a moment of quiet deliberation, Peridot pulled herself out of her stew of fear and began to dig too, using a little hurriedly fashioned makeshift shovel using materials she'd found on the ground.

"I hit something! Everybody stay back!" Amethyst announced.

Peridot and Lapis drew back, Peridot turned to Lapis a bit.

Lapis leaned closer and whispered, "Are you okay? What was that back there? What happened?"

"I don't know what happened," Peridot confessed. It wasn't an easy thing to admit- Peridot was not the type to just not know something, she found it somewhat humiliating that she didn't know, she was known for  _knowing_ , why didn't she know? "It was as if.. everything was happ-" Dot roughly yanked control away from Peri and Peri floundered a bit, trying to reach Lapis again, afraid again. 

"Happening just so fast. It was the flight, I theorize," said Dot. "I think it unsettled me- scrambled my thoughts."

"Flying isn't for everyone," Lapis agreed. "And you weren't produced for it."

"No, I wasn't," Dot agreed, mimicking her tone, smooth yet raspy, sounding nearly automated- she did it so well. It made Peridot sick, she tugged and tugged with all her might, and stared, standing in front of Lapis, wide eyed and expecting Dot to pull her back at any moment. "She.. said that," Peridot managed finally. "Not me."

"What is she doing? Are you okay?" Lapis asked frantically.

"She's not.. not doing anything," Peridot said. "It's just that she.. the closer we got the more.. on edge she became, and she.. I'm not entirely sure. I think there is a slight possibility she might attack someone. I .. she pulled me back because I opposed her, a little. I was going to tell you-"

"Dot?" Lapis said, staring at Peridot with big eyes like she was trying to see past Peridot and into her, to Dot. "Can we talk? Please?"

"Don't..," Dot said warily. "Don't.."

"Is it you, Dot?" Lapis said.

Dot let Peri listen, to Peridot's great relief. 

"It.. it's me," said Dot, cautiously. "Don't.."

"I know how you feel right no-"

"No, you don't," Dot said. "I just want to go, that's all-"

"No, I do," Lapis said. "I do. I was trapped in a mirror for 5,000 years. I know you're scared right now, Dot. We're not going to hurt you."

Amethyst looked over. "What's going on?"

"Nothing!" Lapis called. "Just dig!"

Dot was quiet, staring.

"I know that you're scared, and you're not sure what's going to happen. But we're going to do our best to help you. You don't have to hurt anybody. No matter what happens, you won't have to stay stuck there. You won't have to go back, I won't let that happen. But you have to trust me. And you can't hurt Peri, okay? Please?"

"I," Dot said. "I wasn't going to," she turned away a bit. "Okay."

She was oddly still and quiet, and she wordlessly let Peri take back control. "I think," Peridot said, after a moment. "The situation is saf-"

"I GOT IT!"

Dot abruptly took control and ran over to her body.

"Dude, what's with the nudity," Amethyst said. "Why are you not wearing any clothes?"

Dot ignored her, frantically brushing the sand off. There was a triangular hole in the forehead of what looked like a metal robot body, presumably for Dot's gem.

"So.. how do we separate you guys?" Amethyst said.

"That I don't know," Dot admitted, an awkward note in her voice.

Lapis came over, sighing thoughtfully. "Oh boy," she grumbled. "We've hit a hitch in the plan."

"Maybe we should just put it in?" Amethyst reached for their gem and Peridot jerked away.

"NO! No no, absolutely not," Peridot interrupted. "I have extreme doubt that that will work out the way you seem to think it will. We all just need to take a moment and  _think_."

"Well, ya can't just make two gems outta one," Amethyst said. "So there's .. there's no way."

"It's a shame I didn't bring the visor pieces with me," Peridot grumbled. "I'm sure there's some sort of connection! If I-"

"Oh," Lapis said, a bit bashfully. "I kept the pieces if you want them. I think maybe we might have to cu-"

"Nobody comes near me with any sort of weapon intending to  _cut_ Dot out of me," Peridot said, in a warning tone. "Death is not one of my interests."

Lapis gave Peridot the pieces of the visor and Peridot mulled over them until the light sky had darkened, stars speckled across the darkness, like little twinkling holes in a dark blanket. It covered them, and Peridot began to feel drowsy, but she continued, and then she gently felt something pulling her, pulling and pulling and calling away. She felt this- the dream sequence that plagued her every night, her and Dot, Dot never let her see anything. Peridot hoped, in some sort of backwards way, that Dot would grow to trust her and would let her see more. Peridot let Dot see everything, in a hopeless attempt to build some sort of relationship of trust. At first, Dot had been light, airy, so breezy- Peridot now saw she had been guarded the whole time.

"Dot?" said Peridot. They floated now, while their subconsciousness sifted through their memory banks, taking out little bits and pieces to sew together a dream, it would begin, soon.

"M'sorry about earlier," Dot said simply.

"That's.. okay," said Peridot. "Hopefully if things go alright you'll be out soon."

"Yeah, maybe," said Dot. She didn't sound very hopeful.

"I.. suspect it may happen. We will keep working at it, until we find a way to resolve the issue and get it completed."

"Yeah," said Dot, again.

Peridot felt a tug, stronger now, and she felt herself being pulled away again, farther and faster. This wasn't typical- the calling away didn't happen at this stage, it was just gentle floating and then the dreamscape began. However, they were in a different place. The circumstances were odd, and they were in their consciousness- there was no real need for things to make sense.

"You're fading," Dot said. She seemed oddly resigned. "I think it's happening again."

Peri stared down at her fingers, fading rapidly. "No. No," she said. "No! Wait! I can- I was going to free you! I don't want to live with you trapped in my head! I'll always know! No, wait! Please! I'm going to fix it. Just hold on, please! This is- we are going to sort this out, and you'll have your body, and you won't be stuck in my consciousness, and I'll be one person, and you'll be another, and w-"

"It's okay," Dot smiled. "It's not your fault. It's okay."

"No! No, it's not! I don't want to be somebody's jail! I don't want to just keep you trapped-" Dot was gone, and Peridot was suddenly left floundering, eyes flying open. She stared at the sky, and then turned over, closing her eyes and getting some sleep, like Amethyst and Lapis. She would tell them the bad news in the morning. 

* * *

"YO! WHAT THE FUCK!"

That was the first thing Dot heard, when she opened her eyes. She rolled over. "Oh," she said, after a moment. 

Peri groaned quietly.

"MY DUDE!" Amethyst said. "WHAT DID YOU GUYS DO AFTER I WENT TO SLEEP?"

"Amethyst, please stop screaming," Lapis groaned, sitting up. She yelped upon seeing Peri, lying in the sand, and Dot, sitting up, looking quiet and thoughtful. 

"I'unno," Dot said. "It was like somebody just pulled Peri out. M'sorry," Dot said to Peri. She flexed her fingers and her toes, and stretched, and rolled around, and then stood up. Her legs were wobbly at first, but she worked out how to walk again. She looked hesitant- uncertain. She stumbled a bit, bracing herself against a palm tree, quietly licking her chapped lips, and swallowing a bit. She clutched the tree, as if fearful she would fall again if she let go. 

Peri felt her gem. It felt the same as ever. "I don't know what happened," she said, the words paining her. "However, I fully intend to find out. This is ridiculous. This is ridiculous, it happened and I didn't even notice. I could not even tell. I wasn't paying attention. Something that should be scientifically or even magically impossible has just occurred and I did not even note it and now it may be too late to conduct any accurate experiments to at least have some sort of vague inferring of the events that just took place to make this even remotely possible!"

"P-Dot, just try to chill a bit," Amethyst soothed. "It's not the worst thing in the world."

"It is! It really is!" Peri retorted. "Not that Dot's free, I suppose. Congratulations, Dot."

Dot opened her mouth and closed it a few times, as if quietly working out how her voice worked, and how to speak. "Thanks," she said, voice hoarse from lack of use, and oddly gritty, like something was blocking the sound. She hacked up some sand, quickly solving that mystery. Dot shook a bit, tapping places and watching sand fall from between joints. "My joints need oiling," Dot rasped. "I.. I need to tighten my screws."

"My limb enhancers look different. Ridiculous! You  _cannot_ change the form and appearance of that sort of technology.." Peri raged. 

Everyone started to subconsciously tune out her embittered scientific ramblings.

"I," Dot coughed a bit, for a moment, trying to clear her throat. Her voice was still hoarse, however, when she spoke again. "I guess I'd better get on m'way, then. Thanks so much for.. for helping me," she said gratefully. "I appreciate it a lot. I really do."

"Go? Now?" Amethyst said. "Aww, but you're so much fun! And I dunno, I don't feel comfortable leaving you alone yet. I'd feel super guilty, I mean, like, you can barely stand up, what if you get mauled by like, wild animals or something, right? That'd be all my fault 'cause I left you almost defenceless."

"You shouldn't go," Peri said, turning. "You could stay with us. At the Crystal Gems' base. They're not all bad."

"I don't know," said Dot, skeptically. "I'll think about it."

It was almost odd speaking without having to be passed permission to speak. Every time Peridot wanted to say something, she expected having to switch and be manually handed the control of her mouth to speak. She didn't linger much on the odd feeling, quietly adjusting again and mostly focusing on trying to mentally work out how there could possibly have been a second gem and trying to understand what happened last night. She sighed, kicking up some sand.

"Peri, that got in my eyes," Lapis said, kicking up some sand in Peri's direction and laughing.

"Eugh, gross," Peri said, shuddering. "You'll interfere with my technology," she sighed.

"Oh, my bad," Lapis teased. "Your precious, precious technology. I'm so sorry."

Peri sighed, and then glanced at Lapis's playful expression. She looked away, cheeks burning.

"Aren't you going to shapeshift some clothes on?" Lapis arched a brow.

"I'm.. spent right now," Dot said. "Gotta.. ah.. no. I just need to recover my energy."

"Understandable," Lapis said. "I'll.. get you something to cover up with."

"Like what," Dot said, flatly. "A leaf?"

Amethyst snorted.

Dot continued to lean against the tree for stability, sighing. "I would like clothes."

"We didn't think you'd.. y'know," Amethyst said. "Why do you have like, a metal bodysuit," she knocked on Dot's metal a bit and Dot jolted slightly, moving closer to the tree. 

"Because of personal reasons," Dot said briskly, tone clipped. "Anyway, I don't want to meet your friends in the nude, so.."

"Oh yeah," Amethyst said, pausing to think. "Guys! Stop playing footsies and listen to me."

"What is.. footsies?" Peri asked.

Lapis flushed brightly and turned. "We weren't playing footsies."

"Sure," Amethyst rolled her eyes. "Dot needs clothes."

"Obviously," said Peri. " _That's_ clear enough."

Dot gave her a dirty look.

" _Some_ of us have bigger problems than nudity," Peri continued. "Some of our technology has had its appearance modified without our explicit permission..  _some_ of us now look like disasters.."

"I like your new limb enhancers," said Lapis.

" _Some_ of us didn't ask for  _certain people's_ opinions  _anyway_ ," Peri said.

"Fine, then," Lapis said. "I was just saying you looked fine, but whatever."

Dot pursed her lips. "What year is it?" she asked. "On Homeworld."

"It's.. it's 162,003, officially," Peri said. We call it 162 and 3."

"That makes no sense," Dot quipped, prompting a snort from Amethyst. "162 and 3 means 165," Dot added. "Or 162.3, that means when I was gone you guys went back to the Stone Age or something, did you use clubs? Oog, oog, I am Perioog. Oog, oog."

"There was no  _Stone Age_ ," Peri said, incredulously. "There was Era I and Era II."

"What?" Dot stared.

"Additionally, don't make fun of Homeworld," Peri said.

"I was only joking. I'm from there too, y'know," Dot said, grinning, and then her smile twitched and she turned away.

Amethyst and Lapis were quiet.

"So, um.. what was Homeworld like in your day?" Amethyst said tentatively, in a shy attempt to bring the mood of the conversation back up again.

"Well, back in my day," Dot sighed. "There wasn't a-"

"Back in my day," Amethyst mocked, with a quivering old woman's voice.

Dot laughed. "Hey, you set me up," she said. "So like.. Era I and Era II, what's that mean? Is it like- would I be .. Era I?"

"Ha! Not even close," snorted Peri. "You're from  _far_  before Era I. I have absolutely no idea what to call you. You're- oh, I don't know. You'll have to give me a moment for brainstorming- typically I would discuss the matter with other esteemed-"

"Ew, whatever," Dot groaned, looking mildly offput.

"Can you walk now? Like- you good?" Amethyst asked.

Dot nodded. "Uh.. yeah. Maybe I'll just.. mm.."

"Oh, I nearly forgot," Peri's gem glowed, briefly, and she gave Dot the hoodie. "It's long enough to- you know. I've been storing it in my gem during the daytime- since we obviously wouldn't sleep when the sun is out."

"No sleep during the day? Sad," Dot said. "Thank you for this." she pulled the hoodie on, tugging it down and nodding. "So like, you all can leave now, I guess. M'not gonna- I mean, I'll be good- m'gonna figure it out. Trust me."

"Come on, man, please?" Amethyst said. "Can I at least- I don't wanna use you- but like, I wanna prove to Garnet and Pearl that I can _do_ stuff, successfully, so they'll actually have some freakin' faith in me in the future. They don't like to leave me to do stuff by myself, really. They think I'm immature."

"I guess I can help you prove a point," said Dot, mildly apprehensively.

"But don't- they're nice people," Amethyst said. "They really are."

"They're  _not bad_ ," said Peri. "That's a more accurate way to place it. In terms of pleasantness, they're mediocre."

"You just kinda made up your mind to be annoyed by them all the time," Amethyst rolled her eyes. "Alright, helicopter Ame!" she shapeshifted.

"Oh.. yay..," Dot said. "Back up in the air," she attempted a smile, but it came out as more of a grimace.

"Are you scared of he-" Lapis began.

"NO," said Dot, loudly.

Lapis laughed, and then they began the return trip. 

It was much like it had been as they journeyed towards their destination- except for the fact that Amethyst was now carrying two peridots instead of just one, and Peri kept mumbling to herself about tarnished limb enhancer designs and missing visors, and trying to piece together just how the separation had managed. Dot suggested, at one point, that perhaps her close proximity to her body had aided in it, and Peri immediately said she had forgot to factor it in, and resumed her mumbling. By the time they had reached the temple again, Peri was no close to solving the mystery.

"M'dude," said Dot, stretching, now that her feet were on solid ground. "Ooh, the sand is soft- anyway, some things aren't meant to be figured out and solved, y'know. Maybe you're not s'pposed to know. S'just magic. A mystery."

"I  _refuse_ to accept that. Everything happens for a reason, you know," Peri said.

"Of course, m'not sayin' that. M'just sayin' sometimes you're not necessarily meant to  _know_ or  _understand_ the reason and you should give it a bit of a rest." Dot said pointedly.

"Fine, I will. But just for now," Peri said.

"I need pants," said Dot, absently.

"On it," Amethyst said, opening the door to the temple. "Wait on the couch- I'll be back. Garnet and Pearl are probably inside the temple." 

Amethyst returned, shortly, with a pair of shorts for Dot, who accepted them gratefully, with an abashed mumble to express her gratitude, as well as her need for undergarments. Finally, Dot was clothed, and she lay rather peacefully on the couch.

"I think that went well," said Lapis, smiling.

"I think it was a rocky road from start to finish," Peri said, bluntly. "I think we very nearly failed. However, we did succeed, in the end, so I suppose the result justifies the means. It definitely could have gone.. worse."

She was still trying to work out what exactly had happened- but it was hard to concentrate, she felt so light- it was hard to contextualize the weight Dot's presence had put on her, how stifling it had been, and she only realized the darkness that had clouded and tainted everything she saw now that Dot's presence was gone- clearly, another's conscious wasn't meant to be all tied up in someone else's- it was relieving- now Peri wouldn't have to share every uncomfortable detail of every nightmare, and lament over Dot's more experience, how Dot was able to hide whatever went on her dreams. Peri still wouldn't know- she'd never know now, Dot wasn't in her head anymore. Peri wouldn't have to stifle any more thoughts or shove them down the moment they popped up, to hide them from Dot- now she could think  _boy, I hate myself_ , and not have to worry about any prying minds or listening consciousnesses.

Peri exhaled, feeling extraordinarily liberated.

Garnet exited the temple. She walked a few steps, and then stared at the couch. "Hm," she said, thoughtfully.

Dot looked up a bit, staring at Garnet. She was quiet for a moment, mulling over possible words to say in her head. "Hi," she decided on.

"Hello," said Garnet calmly, making her way to the kitchen and popping some popcorn.

Dot blinked a bit and then reassumed her laying down position. "She doesn't even look surprised."

"Yeah, it takes a lot to phase Garnet," Amethyst said, chortling. "She's pretty levelheaded. Also, I'm like, 99% sure she knew what we were doing the whole time to begin with."

A bit of warm air entered the house as the door opened.

"Alright, Garnet, I got the ice you wa-aa- aaaaaah-aaAAAAAAAH!" Pearl screamed, dropping the ice she had brought. The bag spilled all over the floor, cracking spectacularly- though mercifully, the bag didn't burst or tear, so it remained nicely contained. Pearl picked up the bag, fumbling.

Pearl knew she shouldn't have opened the door. Maybe she was seeing double, or the sickeningly sweet smell of the liquid she used to wash the dishes with was finally getting to her. Who knows what they put in that stuff? Either way, she had only gone out to get some ice. That didn't change that there were two peridots. She really couldn't leave for one minute, could she.

"Hi," said Dot again, tentatively, not sure what sort of reaction she was to expect. This one was Pearl, clearly- she had the nose, and a delightfully lustrous oval-shaped gem smack dab on her forehead. Dot liked that, thinking of her own forehead placement. Centre forehead placements weren't very common- though perhaps they were now, so much had changed- and Dot even didn't know the extent of it.

"Who- w-what-" Pearl inhaled deeply. "Peridot! Did you- did you bring a-" she gritted her teeth. " _Friend_?"

Peri inhaled, trying to find the best way to summarize the situation without making Pearl mad. "Well," she said, cautiously.

"Yes?" Pearl crossed her arms.

"So we were hangin' out," Amethyst interrupted, hurriedly. "And I took Peri's visor off, and it uh- she got really weird. And then she just broke it, and she started telling us this story about how she was this gem from a  _reaaaally_ long time ago. I didn't believe her at first, but then I did, and anyway, we decided we wanted to help her out. She told us that we needed to find her body or something before she could be freed, and she knew where it was, so we went there. And we found her, and now she's there, on the couch."

"Hi," Dot repeated, awkwardly.

"I mean, I could have phrased it better," Peri said. "But yes, in summary, that is more or less what occurred."

"Ah, so you left out the part where you lied to me and Garnet about sightseeing," Pearl said crossly. "Really, you don't know what she could've been like- you lucked out. Have you any idea the danger you put yourselves in? You can't just run around freeing gems, they can be  _dangerous_ sometimes!"

"Oh no, I don't wanna hurt anyone," Dot said. "I- I just- kinda. Wanted to get out. And then get lost, yeah? I can leave now if you prefer."

"No, no, you're here already," sighed Pearl.

Amethyst glared at the ground.

"Amethyst, I'm not," Pearl exhaled. "I'm.. I'm sorry. It's just- I worried- I worry about you- more than anything, I just want you to be safe. That's all."

"Well, I did it, didn't I?! I did it and it worked!" Amethyst retorted.

"You- you're right," Pearl nodded. "You did do it, and I commend you. I suppose I just- proved you right. This is why you felt you couldn't communicate the true purpose of your escapade to me.. but, nice work, Amethyst, and she's clearly not hostile, so you did well, in true Crystal Gem spirit. I do have some questions for you.."

"Dot," Dot said. "Just call me Dot."

"We've decided on Peri and Dot," supplied Lapis. "And they like that."

"I don't  _mind_ it. It's not that I have a strong preference for it."

"Great Diamonds," said Dot, sounding rather exasperated.

"What?" Peri demanded.

Pearl sighed and went to inform Garnet about the unfortunate state of the ice.

"Conversations with you are either someone saying something and you adding an opinion that adds nothing to the original statement or you repeating exactly what was said except with more complicated words and another opinion that adds nothing to the original statement," Dot said. "I could say 'Wow, I like pizza', and you would say 'Oh, I suppose, in theory, that the consumption of pizza is an enjoyable activity to pursue.. personally, I find it mediocre.. the pizza experience to me.. it is duller.. not quite as invigorating..'"

Amethyst started laughing hysterically.

Peri flushed brightly, and would have given a sharp retort if Pearl hadn't reentered the room.

"Alright, so, Dot," said Pearl, sitting down. "When did you emerge?"

"Oh.. like.. my birthday?" Dot said. "Elostus 4th," she said, pausing. "Do you want the year too?"

Pearl looked baffled.

"She-" Peri said. "Amethyst didn't exactly emphasize just how old she is- she thinks she was trapped for 160,000 years and there's no way of telling if that's an accurate number or not- she was imprisoned in her consciousness, so her ability to keep track of time there is dubious."

"You're," Pearl nodded slowly. "I thought you were perhaps very very early Era I, a.. debut model, perhaps. A test or something-" she exhaled. "Alright, this.. complicates matters somewhat, and explains things in equal measure- what's Elostus?"

"A month," Dot said, staring. 

".. right," Pearl said. "You don't follow the same calendar. There are some very clear social barriers here."

"You guys don't have  _months_?" asked Dot, dubiously.

"We have rotations," Peri said.

"I personally recall cycles," Lapis said.

Dot nodded slowly.

"Were you ever.. stationed to a particular planet, maybe.." Pearl attempted.

"A particular planet," Dot said. "Stationed?"

"Alright," Pearl paused. "What's your.. facet, and cut?"

"What's that mean," Dot said.

Pearl grimaced.

"Yeah, it's..," Lapis said. "Yeah, I know."

"Um, she says," Amethyst volunteered, in an attempt to help out. "She says that she ran away from home, and stayed at an army, and that her mom gave her a visor that trapped her in her own head, I guess. And when we were playing around and taking the visor off, she could start to see to the outside and was eventually able to communicate with us."

"Home?" Pearl said. "Your- your  _mother_?"

Dot nodded, biting her lip.

"You have a.. mother," Pearl inhaled deeply. "Ah.. the army. Were you.. oh, dear. I think it's just- it was far too long ago, I'm sorry."

"S'okay," Dot said. "No biggie." she gave Pearl a thumbs up. "D'you know where I can stay?"

"You can stay here," Pearl said. "There's ah- not a lot of space right now- but we're extending the house, because Steven's growing out of his room anyway, and we needed a place for Peridot- I mean, Peri and Lapis to stay, so you can have Steven's room, when the building is all done, if that's alright?"

"Oh, yeah, I guess," Dot said tentatively. "Um.. sorry I made you drop your ice."

"Oh, it's alright, it's just-" Pearl nodded, not entirely convinced she wasn't dreaming. "Garnet said she was going to crush the ice anyway, so it's nice that it was nicely done for her, don't worry about it, don't worry about it at all."

"Do you know where I can buy clothes?" Dot asked.

"Why- why in the world would you want to purchase clothes?" Pearl blinked. "Do you have human currency?"

"Oh! N-no," Dot said. "Yeah, sorry, m'being weird."

The door opened, suddenly, and Steven ran in, looking excited.

Peri looked mildly startled, and then she sighed. 

"Hey, Steven!" called Lapis.

"Hey, Lapis!" Steven gasped. "Oh my gosh! Who's that?"

"Hi," Dot said, mentally kicking herself for using the same greeting, like, four times in a row.

"Hey! I'm Steven, what's your name? Are you another peridot?"

"I'm- yeah, Dot," Dot said, shrinking back a bit, looking overwhelmed.

"Steven, is there a reason Garnet's making popcorn?" Pearl asked. "And wanting crushed ice?"

"Oh, yeah, I asked her to make me a snack," Steven said. "So we decided on DIY snow cones, with popcorn!"

"Y'know what that reminds me of? Remember the Together Breakfast, Steve-o?" Amethyst asked.

Steven shuddered. "Amethyst, please!" he begged. "Some things just shouldn't be discussed.

"The  _Together Breakfast_?" said Peri, incredulously.

"Shhhhh! Don't speak its name," begged Steven. 

"Let's see how it's doing, Steven," Pearl said, taking Steven into the kitchen. Steven arranged the popcorn the way he wanted it, and then skipped off merrily to his room- Garnet would call him, when the snack was complete. "Garnet, did you know about this?"

"Yep," was the calm reply. Garnet was trying to figure out how exactly to make the snow cones- she wondered if she should just do one colour, or perhaps an assortment of many.

"And you let it go on?"

"Yep," Garnet said. "It's only because we care so much that we protect Amethyst so devotedly, but we can be a bit overbearing."

"You're- you're right. She did have to do it that way, I wouldn't have allowed her to go..," Pearl said, trailing off. "Listen- Garnet, the peridot sitting on that couch- she's- she's very old. She originates from  _far_ before Era I- and I can't connect to her on any sort of level. They had months, Garnet, and birthdays. She didn't understand being stationed to a different base on a different planet- I sincerely doubt she'll be able to connect with us or understand us at all. I offered to let her stay, but I'm not sure how positively that'll turn out- I've never seen  _anything_ like her. I believe she's actually made out of metal- from what I'm gathering they had to  _physically_ recover her form. She's too reserved to say much-"

"Pearl," Garnet said.

"And honestly- it's a miracle we even speak the same language," Pearl said. "I've no idea what to do. The only way we'll find out much about her is if we hear it directly from herself, and as she's already proving to have severe difficulty relating with us, I'll doubt it will ever happen, I don't think we'll ever possibly understand what happened- how she got here, what she's like- it's not just the barriers from our different eras, either. I think it's partially her personality, too, she's not- she's very withdrawn. I think she's naturally not very inclined to connect with others like that-"

" _Pearl_ ," said Garnet. "That just means we'll have to keep trying. We can't give up just because it's proving difficult. Keep in mind she's still adjusting. Think of how scared and alone she must feel right now."

Pearl's shoulders slumped a bit. "We've never handled anything like this situation before."

"No," Garnet agreed. "We certainly haven't."

"But, like Steven always says," Pearl said, taking a crack at some optimism. "We'll always find a way."

"That's why the people of this world believe in Garnet, Amethyst, and Pearl, and," Garnet hummed, smiling. "Steven!" she called. "Snow cones!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> do yall read my notes? yall should read my notes i always drop random facts and sometimes the facts arent random they're important like the diamonds aren't bigger than a house which is important enough for me to say twice pfft


End file.
